Please welcome Olive to the blogosphere at http://femaleframechanges.blogspot.com/. I first encountered Olive on the comment threads at Hooking Up Smart, where she has spoken at length about de-programming herself from the female herd thinking that saw her rewarded with friends and social value for taking part in Machiavellian back-stabbing and shallow materialism.
Apparently the dam burst a while back when she noticed her friends taking it upon themselves to alienate her boyfriend because they judged him unfit by the standards of their group, and she finally told them where to stick it.
Since then she has taken it upon herself to conscious de-enlist from the typical entitlement programming that spoils so many young women, and has even taglined her blog “Princess Jasmine Isn’t Real.” She deserves considerable acclaim for actively (and publicly) making the effort to throw off the dysfunctional culture young women are raised into.
From her second post entitled “Expectations”:
I have a lot of de-programming to do.
In the U.S. girls are taught to expect the best from their men. They’re taught to expect fancy jewelry and expensive vacations and fawning, kind words from their significant others. And when they get it all, they still aren’t happy.
I’m reminded of a conversation I witnessed this summer. I was at an amusement park with my boyfriend and two girlfriends. The girls started talking about what they expect from their significant others on anniversaries, and they agreed that dinner and one present was reasonable. I can’t remember if they talked about what they would do for their significant others (neither of them had one at the time), so I’m guessing they didn’t cover that. Later, in private, my boyfriend told me how ridiculous he thought it was. Incidentally, we spent the next day celebrating our two-year anniversary by sitting around the house, doing absolutely nothing. In high school, I would’ve been pissed. Thankfully, I think I’m improving, as it didn’t bother me, though I still have a long way to go.
But why do we want all this stuff all the time? Why do we expect to be cared for and pampered? And why, when guys do stuff for us, do we take it for granted and just ask for more?
APPRECIATE WHAT YOU’VE GOT
The “taking for granted” part reminded me of Eric Barker’s post “How to make yourself happier in just a few seconds“:
In Studies 1 and 2, college students wrote about the ways in which a positive event might never have happened and was surprising or how it became part of their life and was unsurprising. As predicted, people in the former condition reported more positive affective states. In Study 3, college student forecasters failed to anticipate this effect. In Study 4, Internet respondents and university staff members who wrote about how they might never have met their romantic partner were more satisfied with their relationship than were those who wrote about how they did meet their partner. The authors discuss the implications of these findings for the literatures on gratitude induction and counterfactual reasoning.
In other words, thinking about losing something you have makes you happier about having it.
The converse would be that thinking about something you don’t have makes you less happy about not having it. It wasn’t examined in the study, but Olive hits this exact phenomenon on her blog.
AND ANOTHER ONE
As long as we’re on the topic, hat tip to jamie’s blog at http://oldtimemoviereview.blogspot.com/ which is, yes, about movies. If I recall correctly jamie posted at HUS concerning an evening in which she wore a dress that “gave her the proportions of Jessica Rabbit.” She was thusly chased around the party by no less than three captivated men. She had to get rid of the dress, being unable to handle its power. I’d be curious as to her thoughts about the Hollywood nostalgia of “Who Framed Roger Rabbit.”