So Eastern Boy smooched the cougar chick at the bar Friday night. Good for him.
He asks me Saturday what his next move should be.
I told him to send her a text saying exactly this: “what are you up to tonight” (no ? mark). This sets up an opportunity for him to meet her somewhere or invite her to wherever he’s going to be, but also hints he’s not all that invested so she doesn’t have to feel bad if she turns him down.
Instead he texted something like “it was nice talking with you, let me know if you want to go out sometime.”
Why this response was wrong:
The woman made out with him within an hour of meeting him. That’s a nuclear IOI. The ball is in his court. She’s waiting for him to keep being the outrageously confident guy who stole first base; within reason, she’ll probably follow his next move.
Instead, he throws the ball (and his balls) back into her court. He forces her brain to consider the question “do I want to go out on a date – not just go out, but initiate it – with the guy I made out with at the bar last night?” He’s basically calling up her hamster from the minor leagues and telling it it’s pitching on one night’s rest.
Anything could have happened. They could have gone home with each other that night. They could have decided they liked each other and arranged a real date later in the week. They could have decided they weren’t a good fit, enjoyed a tasty beverage and gone their separate ways.
Now we’ll never know.
Men, lead. If she wants you to stop or doesn’t want to follow you, she’ll let you know (you better read that signal right, BTW). Until then, don’t ask her; don’t tell her. Just lead.