As an unmarried man who has thrown a lot of his blogging weight behind game for LTR (long-term relationships), Athol Kay’s “Married Man Sex Life” blog has been required reading for me for the better part of the last year. It gives me great pleasure to wholeheartedly recommend “The Married Man Sex Life Primer 2011,” which despite its name has a special utility to single men.
Among pickup artists, nihilistic cynics, theorists, MGTOWs and other denizens of the Manosphere, Athol is one of the very few who has made the systematic application of game to LTRs his modus operandi. A look at the divorce stats shows he has hit on an obvious market failure, and like the successful game writers across the Internet, he has empirical proof of success from the dozens upon dozens of readers who have told him his blog has saved their marriages, or at least their sex lives.
Athol’s writing doesn’t have the epic and soaring quality of, say, Roissy, but it hits just as hard in his practical, no-nonsense way. At the same time his one-liners and whimsical language make it laugh out loud funny. (I need to send a copy to the Aussie guy I know who told me Kiwis didn’t have a sense of humor.)
BEGIN WITH THE END IN MIND
Fit for his intended audience – dissatisfied husbands and wives – Athol opens his tome with some “how we got here” human mating psychology and the Body Agenda (which includes a shockingly frank discussion about the biological incentives and strategies for both genders to cheat) and then moves into the Male Action Plan for attraction value and tactics for leveraging that value. The final portion waxes philosophic on modern marriage and choosing a spouse.
The single person reading the book should consider reading the last section first, however, because it’s so obvious that the right partner is key to making this work. With good choices and a bit of good fortune, one can hopefully avoid the need for the intervention in the first place. That’s not to say the alpha and beta traits won’t be necessary – just that by choosing the right mate, they’ll be highly effective in getting the life you want (and the one she wants too).
The book contains repeated references and anecdotes to what an attractive, cooperative and all around high-quality wife Jennifer is. It’s easy to say that Athol’s stuff works well because he has a great wife, and that’s certainly part of the story, but it’s the biggest part of the story for someone who hasn’t married yet and thus has control over that variable. Choosing the right spouse will make all of it possible; choosing the wrong one, well you can read any number of manosphere blogs to see how that turns out.
The checklist items for choosing a wife are incredibly insightful, and remarkable quite simply for the fact that Athol is unapologetic about passing on wife candidates for what we’ve been told are shallow and “unloving” reasons – such as weight and health problems, lack of discipline, sexual promiscuity or poor family history. Athol underlines that men of quality who want to marry have to understand their market value is sky high, they can afford to be choosy, and that marital happiness won’t result if she’s just “almost good enough.”
He is also unapologetic about his view (one I concur with) that a reasonable sex life flowing from mutual sexual attraction is a key part of the marriage contract. A happy marriage and a sex life are too critical to throw away by marrying, or staying married to, a person uninterested in reasonable attention to your needs. On this point, he says simply “don’t settle.”
A MAGNUM OPUS
I was very impressed with how Athol adapted his blog material to book format. Most of his blog posts are short and succinct and he has the comments section to refine and update the ideas. In a book you have a one-way information push, a big risk with the subtle nuances and implications of many of the topics.
Athol’s manosphere research shines through the entire book, hitting core points such as Alpha and Beta traits, general fitness, sexual escalation, oneitis, dominance, chumpitude, acting the prize and fitness tests.
You should buy it. And read it (important step there). And buy copies for friends, married or not, happily or not. Anyone who is serious about their relationship can learn something from it, even if it’s only why what comes naturally to them works.
It’s that good.