No one’s going to see this comment, but: Thanks for this, PrivateMan. I can really relate. I grew up in a house with an overbearing mom and a doormat dad. Mom wore the pants, administered the discipline and kicked the ass. Dad hated his job, was already beaten down by life at age 34, and just did his best to get through life rather than live it. All I heard was “be nice, be yourself, and keep it in your pants.”
[I find it interesting how a significant crop of modern mothers exalt in encouraging sluttitude in their daughters, while simultaneously teaching their boys to be toothless betas.]
I worked hard to ask girls for dates. If it didn’t work in my small town, I looked at the next town over. I asked. I approached, but always timidly, tentatively and afraid. Good for a few pity dates and feels, but that’s about it. If a girl didn’t want me, I went omega and chased, begged, and pleaded with her to take me back. That was high school. In college: if I broke up, I’d have second thoughts. I was losing my hair [link] and thought girls would not like me. So with one, I chased her until she got sick of me, and finally cut me off for good. I thought no one would ever love me ever again. [Oneitis is truly an emotionally debilitating disease.]
What I should have been taught was:
1. Approach and ask. If they want to get to know you, look for IOIs like touching, talking, smiling, laughing, and her going out of her way to see you.
[No IOIs within five minutes = eject. Less than three within 20-30 minutes = eject. Plant fields that can yield a harvest.]
2. If she’s not interested, walk away and do your best not to care at all.
[Departing with aplomb is an alpha move, shows confidence in your ability to get another girl. If it’s a pyrotechnic rejection, all the more reason to “be the bigger man” (I got an email that said that once, but it turned out to be spam).]
3. Don’t pedestal. Don’t chase so hard. Don’t call the next day. Don’t give so many gifts. Don’t drop tons of cash on her. A girl who expects these things is unworthy. Don’t walk away. Run away as fast as you can..
[Wanting to have nice things is one thing…demanding tribute because she has a vagina is another entirely.]
4. Understand the rationalization hamster. When if comes to relationships and dating, girls are incapable of rational thought and decisionmaking.
5. A girl has no idea why she’s attracted or not attracted to you.
[4/5: women can be rational, but once the hormones start flowing don’t expect her big head to do the deciding. But nature and society both insist on concealment as a female mating strategy, so get used to words that don’t mean what they appear to.]
6. You will get rejected. A lot. That’s how it is. It will not kill you. [Rejection’s not fun, but it will be manageable if you avoid one-itis or going after bad bets.]
7. Worthy girl: relatively chaste, demure, feminine, and pleasant.
8. Unworthy girl: sarcastic, caustic, unpleasant, entitled, demanding, career first, rationalizes everything.
[7/8: Gotta qualify your mate. Career or no, don’t be satisfied with a woman who doesn’t make your life better when you two are together. The “instant spark” mantra is silly, but there needs to be a natural vibe of enjoyment between you two.]
9. Never take dating or relationship advice from a woman. Always seek advice from a man.
[And a man with a track record of success. Sounds sexist but guys really need to heed this. Nine times out of ten, you’ll get either projection (how would I act to a guy in that situation?) or hamsterwheeling from a woman. Or she’ll tell you what you want to hear because she wants to get wrapped up in a third-party romantic drama. It’s really a collective extension of #5.]