Inspired by this post and then stickied to the top of the blog for comic relief, this is the Badger Hut readers’ repository of first world problems. Post problems in the comments. Two rules:
1. These need to be original by the readers, and preferably first-hand from your own life – no going to a list on reddit or whatever and filling in someone else’s problem because you think it’s funny.
2. These can’t just be modern annoyances or complaints – they must have some manner of venal but pointless decadence to them. Ergo, “my pizza is late” is just irritating; “the pizza tracker is broken so I don’t know when to put my pants on” is a first world problem.
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My town is too small to provide me with a steady stream of attractive single women.
[Pretty sure cavemen had that problem too.]
I have to click ‘X’ to remove those annoying ads that appear over YouTube videos while I’m trying to watch them.
Also, when the batteries on my TV remote fail, I have to get up out of my chair to change the channel.
Every time I have to go to the bathroom at the office, the custodial staff is cleaning it.
They just restocked the fridge at the deli so all the drinks are warm.
@Badger: Yes, but cavemen had the additional problem that making a move on the wrong woman could mean death or social ostracism.
Ate too much prosciutto so now this chicken isn’t doing anything for me.
My roommate is a night person, but I’m a morning person. The light from his room makes it hard for me to fall asleep.
My phone is not charged so now I have to get up and ask my husband a question instead of texting him. He’s one room away.
Ah, forget it. I’ll just yell.
Sometimes I forget my Kindle while watching Netflix. Then when the movie is loading I have nothing to do.
I posted early and my comment got removed. Waah!
I have to order my computer equipment online because my town doesnt have an electronics store better than walmart.
I bought “tuna in Oil” instead of “tuna in water” so now I have to drink a diet coke with it.
My air conditioning got too cold in the middle of the night and I had to put on another blanket.
“Both of my cars are Manual!”
[That's just a problem. A first world problem would be something like "my car is a manual so I can't eat while I drive."]
I have 3 meals a day and work on a desk all day so now i have to work out not to get fat, waaaaah!!.
When I finished an hour of hot yoga, it was just as hot outside.
I changed the radio station because an overplayed song was on, but the same song was on the next station.
Bb,
Bbman emailed me with “my wife yells from the next room so I have to turn down the TV volume to hear her and miss my show.”
The automatic flush in public restrooms never work when I need them to.
[You could add those stupid automatic paper towel dispensers.]
Here are some very serious disappointments I suffered at my rental vacation home this past week:
1. no garlic press
2. silverware drawer had only 6 forks but over 30 spoons
3. mosquitoes prevented us from eating dinner outdoors
4. previous tenant left Axe body wash in outside shower
5. stealing other people’s wifi was a pain in the neck
6. bath towels did not dry completely between showers
[Sounds like a miserable vacation.]
My Kindle battery died so I have to wait 3 hours to read what happens.
Second version:
My kindle battery dies so I have to read one of those heavy printed books if I want to know what happens.
I have a roof over my head, three meals a day, and make more than 98% of the world’s population, but I spend a fifth of my yearly salary on SSRIs and benzodiazepines.
[Welcome to the Hut, thanks for commenting.]
Note: Not me personally. I just think it’s funny that drug companies that manufacture SSRIs make more than movies at the Box Office
[Didn't you read the rules?]
@brightstormyday
You make me feel better that now I’m not the worst at this game J/k. I need to get spoiled in this first world thing my thirdworldness is obviously painful. Of course my husband also sucks at the game so maybe is a matter of mental disposition?
Welcome
i weigh 275 lbs, why doesn’t this supermarket have a scooter for me to haul my girthy frame?
[That certainly settles any question about whether you're from Louisiana.]
man this is really funny
I paid $75 to have my yorkie groomed and I don’t think they expressed the anal glands.
I like the performance of a manual transmission, but since I text, eat, and drink coffee while driving, it would not be safe to add shifting gears to that mix.
Online porn site has poor autocorrect function, forcing me to remember actual spelling of ‘cunnilingus’.
Also, ‘filet show’ not turning up any thing good at all.
No Mr. Gas Pump, I don’t want a car wash today, I didn’t want one last week, and I’m never going to want your stupid carwash, so quit asking me!
The electricity has failed twice this year, so I had to wait for like 30 minutes total to know there was power in the house.
PS
In DR we had daily blackouts for around 6 to 10 hours depending on the day, everyday since before my father was born and they still have them.
The office network isn’t working so I have to talk to the person next to me about work instead of emailing.
I bought a bag of bagels and they weren’t already cut! I have to cut them myself before eating them.
The automatic flush in public restrooms too often work when I don’t want them to.
Bonus, who are the misanthropes so fracking antisocial that they failed to flush their shit in the first place, and thereby make automatic flush toilets very nearly justifiable?
1. Every time there’s like a two-second power failure, I have to reset every electronic device in the house.
2. I put my socks on this morning in haste, and misaligned; now my toes are pushing down on the seamed part.
3. Many of my friends insist on having “indoor only” cats, and now the inside of their houses smell like litter boxes.
My 3G network connection is too slow; I can’t watch high-def video on my phone unless I’m on a WiFi network.
Public toilet cartoon – from one of the best online cartoons evah:
http://theoatmeal.com/blog/public_toilets
Off topic, so burn after reading…
XXXXX’s blog is taking too damn long to download so I need to open another tab to read a different blog while I am waiting. ARGH.
I had to park outside and now my car is very cold/very hot and it takes a few minutes for the temperature inside to become comfortable.
The Internet has 20 different things that are ALMOST what I want, so I had to buy them all.
It pisses me off that I’m so rational and content that I can’t find any first world jokes to make.
Public radio fund drive…’nuff said
The dude walking behind me is close enough that I have to hold the door open but far enough away that I have to stop walking to wait for him.
I forgot my cell phone and I don’t know anyone’s number by memory,So I will miss the party tonight at my aunt’s house.
People I’d like to date aren’t attracted to me, and the people who want to date me are unattractive.
….relevant lolz.
The new cell phone tower didn’t matched the landscape. I called the company to complain and they poorly disguised it as a tree. Ugh! It looks so awful! Can’t they just bury the tower or something?!
Ferd found the Holy Grail of first world problems. Check out this collection of whiny bullshit:
http://microaggressions.com/
I bought new clothes that fit me, but then I lost weight so they are baggy again.
I accidentally clicked iTunes on my Mac and now I have to wait for it to load before I can close it again.
WordPress logged me out and I had to login again before posting this comment. I got the password wrong and it’s taking forever to login!
My cellphone no longer gets reception in our classroom, so instead of updating Facebook all class long I actually have to listen to my professor for an hour and a half.
[Half the professors you'll have aren't worth listening to anyway - be sure to bring a backup distraction.]
True Story
AMC theaters has a Twilight even night before the premiere of Breaking Dawn I enter their website to get the tickets and I couldn’t find the link so I have to actually call: strike one. Then the guy told me that I have to actually go to the theater to buy the tickets? Wait I can’t buy tickets online? Are we back to medieval times or what!? I was totally enraged, I’m not going to their stinky event, neither my friend will.
PS
The funny thing is that back in my country you actually buy the tickets the day of the showing and go and watch your movie we don’t really do presells. The only movie they started with presells was of course Twilight Eclipse. The first world is ruining me already!
Glad I found this blog as I’m very recent Badger alum. A lot of fun times along State St. and University. Wando’s, Chasers, Logan’s were my faves. Bookmarked this site.
Ah, hell. I just noticed that I repeated an already listed first world problem!
Here’s another one I came up with to make up for it:
I forgot to press pause when I took out my earbuds, so my music kept playing without me and now my iPod is low on battery. D:<
Facebook changes its codes again, and my favorite friend-tracker app hasn’t yet been updated to deal with the change. Now I don’t know who have unfriended me, and trying to go through my 4000+ people friends list to see if I could detect any such unfriending leaves me bewildered and exhausted. I gave up after the first 1000.
I have to kneel down and extend my arm to reach the milk with the latest use-by date.
Webpages never fit my iPad screen properly. I have to use my two fingers to enlarge or shrink ALL THE TIME to optimize screen real-estate.
That super-ugly fat chick (who somehow number-closed me by force the other day) calls while I am playing Angry Bird. The phone freezes (since it can’t multitask AT ALL), with the full-screen caller-ID picture (that she forced me to take) of her vomit-inducing face frozen on my 4.5-inch high resolution screen.
I forgot the number of my OWN cell phone the other day and had to call a friend and ask him what my own number is. He said he couldn’t help because my caller-ID only showed my name.
Microaggressions? That must be the highest per-pixel density of bullshit victimhood I’ve ever seen.
What a bunch of whiny PC twats. And I never use that word.
I want a nighttime snack, but I already brushed my teeth.
I can’t sleep so I wa
nt to get up and drink a warm milk, but I already brushed my teeth.
My dog comes home from doggie day care all crazy and needs a walk.
Weight Watchers should really list all the snack-size candy points if they want me to track all the candy I’ve eaten out of my kids bags.
Students never remember their class assignments because they’re posted on a university secured site that doesn’t have a phone app.
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the closest store didn’t have the special food for my dog’s sensitive skin so I had to drive 2 more miles.
XM Radio now has two disco stations instead of one 70s station & one World Music station & now there’s no way for me to listen to the latest British pop music in my Saab.
I used my latest $100 off $300 Coach purchase discoutn & when I finally got the bag it was missing the shoulder strap & I have to return it because there aren’t any more left in stock & won’t get another $100 off for at least two months. Seriously.
I have to send invites, but all my addresses are on the computer and my computer is down so the invitations will either be late or have to be hand delivered (I can find the houses, but don’t know the actual street number, etc).
The wired mouse that came with my desktop computer seems to not be working so I have to walk through my house to get my wireless mouse from my laptop, which will make working on my laptop really annoying because I will have to use the touch pad instead.
its getting really dark in the livingroom, but I dont feel like getting up to turn a light on. where is that button on this remote again??? oh, that’s right, Finnegan ate that remote!!!! grrr
Zumba is only offered on Wednesdays.
My work computer has a strict firewall and very thick walls, so I have to GO OUTSIDE to check and post to Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Tumblr and Reddit on my smartphone!
When posting on the First World Problems blog, I made an error and couldn’t edit my post after submission. Now I have to turn my next post into a First World Problem AND a correction. Ugh.
I have to let my shower run for five minutes before the water gets hot.
Roommate # 1: “Sailing sucked today…we had to use the engine because there was no wind!”
Me [while preparing a snack tray] “That sucks, man. Oh, shit! I accidentally spilled our caviar on the blue cheese. Uggh!”
Roommate # 2 [heard from the living room]: “You people got first world problems!”
I used to have a landline for my DSL service. I could never remember the phone number that came with it.
Sometimes I have to press the reset button on the bottom of my wireless mouse to get it working again.
I lost my internet connection the other day and had to ransack the house looking for a yellow pages phonebook. Couldn’t find it, had to ask the neighbor if I could borrow theirs.
The hotel was overbooked so my friends and I had to share a room. I was so weirded out by having other people in my room during nighttime that I couldn’t sleep.
I really need to vent right now. My desk is set up in front of three large windows overlooking the garden. At precisely this time in the morning, the sun streams in so brightly that I have to either move my laptop to another location to work for an hour or wear a baseball cap in order to see the screen. This wouldn’t be a problem if my view was of a brick wall.
I just spent $100 to get natural highlights in my hair and now I can’t even tell that they are there.
My local bodega keeps selling out of the Black Cherry Chobani yogurt, so I have to settle for the Mango instead.
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My husband and I cannot agree on a show to watch so now I’m watching TV in our bedroom by myself while he is in the living room watching his show.
dropped a spoon in the garbage and there was too much gross stuff in there for me to go in after it. good bye spoon!
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Apparently, this year’s mistletoe crop failed. My nursery tried to foist “mistle-thyme” onto me, but I wasn’t having it. Now my Christmas decorations are less than ideal.
[That's not as bad as when the European hops crop failed and beer prices went up. Although how are you going to get your husband to kiss you?]
I hate my office-mate’s ringtone.
[Call his phone frequently from an unlisted number until his other coworkers complain.]
I hate X so much and it so popular right now! That I had to look for all the fansites and insulted the fans for the last three hours, till they banned me. They don’t see to understand how stupid they are for liking X. I will have to get a new handle and go back tomorrow and everyday till they stop it. I cannot live in a world were X is popular and true good things like my favorite Y, are not as loved or make as much money. People is soooo stupid when the like things I hate.
Overheard: My jowls keep accidentally hanging up my touchscreen cell phone in the middle of conversations.
(Actually, she said “cheek”, but a glance at her told me otherwise.)
[That is the lulz.]
I got a free old copy of publisher but I cannot work in two documents at the same time some when I need to copy paste text I have to take it to word, close the original and then open the new one. So tiresome!
Border’s is closing so I have to find new places to pick up intellectual women.
Great clip on HULU but stupid rules of internet prevent me from watching HULU in Canada. Proxy servers are too slow, and im just too lazy to search for it on Youtube.
I accidentally right clicked “open in new window”, so now I have to close it and click “open in new tab”.
I had to clear my inbox before I could text anyone
Tip: middle mouse button click will open in a new tab.
You’re welcome.
I was watching TV episodes online, but I reached the 72 minute limit and now have to come up with something else to do for the next hour to find out how the episode ends.
My campus gym is a 20 minute walk from my apartment, so my workouts are always supplemented by 40 minutes of exercise I didn’t initially plan on.
The shuffle feature on my ipod isn’t random enough
i have the iphone 4 but now they came out with the 4s!
I haven’t been living enough time in the first world to actually come up with clever/funny first world problems
All my problems are third world problems.
These last two are the best yet.
GPS did not worked on my phone (or whatever) on today. Therefore Sports Tracker did not measured distance when I was on walk (it only measured time and steps).
Also there is no route of walk on map then.
/ Kari Hurtta
This browser was auto-filled wrong address when I type comment. Therefore there is no picture and comment is on moderation.
—
GPS did not worked on my phone (or whatever) on today. Therefore Sports Tracker did not measured distance when I was on walk (it only measured time and steps).
Also there is no route of walk on map then.
/ Kari Hurtta
OT
Hmm. Actually it is cookie which is valid under
wordpress.com. So it was storing address what I used on another*.wordpress.comblog. (Badger can figure it out, if he looks these addresses what I have used.)No bread. Must eat cake then (or cookies).
Time for a coffee.
Children was slept to midday and I did not wanted to go to shop when they sleep.
I hope that I have now enough milk for coffee. The girl wanted cocoa with milk when she waked.
/ Kari Hurtta
[I teased Kari about my holiday sauna experience and now he's here to dish it back.]
Yeh. I told that you win (*).
( Last time I had sauna on 2012-01-04. That time I had cider. ☺ )
I think that I posted this already. Perhaps more on topic:
I need to walk extra 104 m (461 m versus 357 m) to shopping center because there is big hole dug on group on route. That is for new metro station.
/ Kari Hurtta
[ I hope that I did not messed with HTML — No real preview on WordPress? ]
Hubby contribution
I left the stereo adaptor for my phone in the other car so instead of listening to the over three hundred songs I have stored in my cell I have to listen to the radio.
1) The filter on my tap is old, and I’m too lazy to go out and get a new one, so I’m drinking water with chlorine in it.
2) My kid’s daycare doesn’t serve organic whole foods, so the onus is on me to do stuff like that when she’s at home.
3) I spent all my loose change on coffee, so I had to park three blocks from my doctor’s appointment.
The attractive women I meet aren’t interesting. The interesting women I meet are unattractive.
^ Ouch.
^ Also repost: http://badgerhut.wordpress.com/first-world-problems/#comment-3637
Yesterday and today an e-mail went around asking people to sit on one of four types of conference room chairs and to vote for the one people preferred. We will purchase the one people like most for our conference rooms.
I missed the free coffee samples from Starbucks. Now I gotta pay for my coffee.
I can’t find a shirt that’s not wrinkled, so I’m calling in sick. Ironing is hard.
My friend offered me some of his Pringles potato chips for lunch yesterday which I ate.
They were the plain ones. There was no flavor.
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Ive already seen this judge Judy episode
It snowed and my driveway heater isn’t working. I had to plow it with my four-wheeler.
I’m surprised the First World Problems video was not linked already.
At any rate, I find most of these are minor annoyances than problems. Like the late Mitch Hedberg tells it: “You should never see an Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order sign, just Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience.”
First world problem. I’ll try to think of one while sitting in a comfortable computer chair that resides in a HVAC controlled multi-room apartment typing on one of several computers while listening to music streamed from a PS3 connected to a 25″ CRT television set that doesn’t have a home theater system attached to it.
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Daylight savings time is tonight so I will lose an hour of sleep.
My smartphone’s RSS feed reader has limited capacity and I subscribe to so many feeds that my phone can’t hold all the articles long enough for me to read them.
Last night’s tornado wiped out downtown and knocked out my electricity. Now how am I going to make my coffee?
Even if I have just one glass of Shiraz in the evening, I’m slightly sleepy the next morning until I’ve had a double espresso.
Also, it takes my shipments of piracetam two weeks to get here after I order it. FML
The air conditioning in my car doesn’t work so I’m stuck driving my roommate’s car which smells funny.
I cannot find acceptable sundresses to buy for my upcoming Hawaiian vacation.
Why aren’t there yoga classes in the afternoon?
Why is it impossible to find a true Blue Red lipstick? Why did they discontinue my soap? Other soaps bother me.
Here is my favorite from my wife: My house is a mess so I have to clean it before the house cleaners get here.
I can’t find my splatter screen, so now I have to put on a shirt to cook my bacon.
I have to charge the battery on my e-cigarette.
ESPN showed a full-screen commercial just as my favorite team’s score was about to come across the ticker and now I have to wait another 2 minutes before it comes around again.
I just bought a toaster that puts my favorite NFL team’s logo on the side but the team just changed their logo and now I must live with inaccurate toast.
The Walmart in Williston, ND can’t get fully staffed at $16 per hour, so I can’t get my brand of lemon-hinted carbonated water whenever I want. Also, I often have to wait in line the checkout lines for 15 minutes or more.