Ladies, Don’t Ask Us To Clean Up After Your Girlfriends’ Dating Mistakes

At a dinner party recently, I was seated next to a vaguely abrasive young woman who leaned over to me and breathlessly queried,

“Do you have any normal friends for my friend to date?”

Vaguely confused by the hasty presumption that I was a dating sourcer, but detecting an opportunity for a silent manosphere laugh, I replied “you’d have to tell me more.”

“Well, she’s been dating guys from OKCupid and says she just can’t find any normal guys there.”

Now I was irked. It would have been one thing if she said her friend worked long hours with all women and just wasn’t meeting men, or had had trouble getting back on the carouselhorse after a breakup. But she’s swimming in men and is striking out wildly. And I happen to know that a significant portion of the young men in my city are on OKCupid, so I know there’s a few good fish in that pond. The more I thought about the more I saw she was trying to outsource this woman’s man-choosing algorithm before she came up 00 again.

But that wasn’t even the interesting part of it. It was the fact that she came to me, a guy she had just met, and proceeded to recruit me into the problems of a woman I’d NEVER met, that fascinated me. It felt invasive and uncomfortable, as if she had turned to me and said “I’m getting divorced, and let me tell you, it’s nothing like those chick flicks would have you believe!”

And then it felt opportunistic. Let me explain that further.

The fact that she saw me as a possible conduit for her issue of the day smacked of a combination of megalomania and an appeal to the male instinct for problem-solving – “maybe you can help me fix this!” Expecting me to leap into the coat closet and re-emerge in my Captain Save-A-Ho suit, ready to line up cannon fodder for her chica amiga who couldn’t generate her own romantic sales leads. I also bet there’s some female-on-male projection in there, thinking that I get such a kick out of setting up my male friends that I’m going to facilitate a third-hand setup involving a woman I’ve never so much as set eyes on. There’s an element of matchmaking/relationship drama that women crave that is just not really a guy thing. Truth be told, I’ve already set up two marriages*, so she had come to the right guy; unfortunately for her, Yenta Badger knew enough to turn down the case.

The failed communication frame she put across was another interesting part of the exchange. What she THOUGHT she was communicating was:

  • I have a friend who is eager to date, so it shouldn’t be hard for the guy to close the deal
  • Her standards aren’t unrealistic, my friend just wants a “normal guy,” so he has to be single but not spectacular
  • This is an opportunity for you to feel good about yourself playing matchmaker

What she was really communicating to me, through the prism of my male mind, was:

  • It IS going to be hard for the guy, because she can’t find satisfaction with the large pool of eager men available online
  • I’m trying to find someone who will clean up the drama-mess she’s made of her life
  • I need you to screen for “normal” men since neither of us gals know the right guys (the “right guy” probably doesn’t exist)
  • She’s desperate (or I’m desperate to stop her incessant complaining)

Another thing she didn’t consider is that generally speaking men are not very good at evaluating other men’s sexual market value (guys tend to evaluate male SMV post-facto, by inferring it from the quality of women he’s pulling).

I’m unusually game-aware, so I have a pretty good sense of when a setup is going to bomb, but the typical guy’s recommendation of a man to a single woman is usually worthless. That again goes back to the differences in how men and women evaluate their own sex versus the opposite sex – a guy we like and admire for being an honest, dependable, low-maintenance and mutually supportive is sadly a good bet to go straight into a woman’s “boring, no-spark” bucket.

One final factor is that she didn’t even try to sell the woman in question as a good partner with a bunch of boilerplate like “she’s a great girl, really cute/smart/etc, she just hasn’t found the right guy.” It was simply, “my friend needs a man. Can you give me one?”

THE HARSH TRUTH

Since picking up my game and finding that good women, while few, are found everywhere, and that good men truly ARE everywhere you choose to look, I have come even more to the conclusion that a woman who “can’t find a man” is more often than not:

  • Suffering considerable personality flaws that drive men away (abrasive), or drive men away from committing (slutty), or blow her dating logistics (the Rules/sucky girl game)
  • Stuck to a counterproductive comfort zone, refusing to mine new places or give audience to new types of men (he’s “not her type” or she’s “not going to settle!”)
  • Unserious about commitment herself (possibly subconsciously) and thus positively smashing good opportunities

Or some combination thereof. This doesn’t apply to all women everywhere, particularly introverted women who have a much lower tolerance for the pageantry of social preening, but a large enough chunk to be a valid concern about an unhaaaappily perpetually-single woman you might hear about at a party.

*One where I introduced a girl I was pursuing to her future husband.

About these ads

38 Comments

Filed under Uncategorized

38 responses to “Ladies, Don’t Ask Us To Clean Up After Your Girlfriends’ Dating Mistakes

  1. Great post very well written sir…
    I use to get baffled when I see gorgeous women on POF or okcupid. The having run into a couple (Minneapolis isn’t that big). I quickly realized why they were single. Most of these women were very abrasive, sarcastic, shitty personalities, high maintenance, known slores etc

    I never play matchmaker either because those women as you mentioned tend to be full of shit. Slores really rustle my jimmies these days but one of my buddies has a saying

    “Slores are for fucking, that’s what they’re good for”

  2. Georgia Boy

    Normal is an interesting choice of words. I wonder about it because it’s something I was called by a then-recently-ex girlfriend back in my pre-red pill days. She told me it was an ego boost to her because “it was the first time a relatively normal guy wanted to date me.” What would the Womanese-English translator spit out if you typed in “normal guy?” “Suitable relationship beta who’s not too dweeby,” maybe? I’ll try to think it out myself but if anyone has that answer already then speak up.

  3. Lad

    Do you think there’s a possibility this girl didn’t really care about her friend but she was just trying to make conversation, even flirting or covertly DLVing the other girl by implying she cant get a man? Seems to me that it’s entirely plausible that the message she intended to convey is very close to the one you got.

  4. deti

    Georgia:
    It seems to me “normal” would have as many different meanings as there are women who would use it.

    “Hot alpha man willing to commit to me (for now)”
    “relationship beta provider with a touch of confidence”
    “Hot man ready for me when I am DTF”
    “Man who doesn’t vomit his emotions all over me”
    “Man who is willing to put up with my shit and commit to me”
    “Man who is willing to deal with my slutty past”

    And on and on and on.

  5. ASF

    Normal guy just means guy I like/am attracted to and who others in my social circle will approve of. As deti points out, there is no specific set of traits that will make you “normal” aside from all of the standard things Game teaches. Lift weights. Get riches. Fuck bitches.

  6. supersandwich

    Lad is one the money here. This girl was trying to hit on you.

  7. You impressed her. She liked you and figured you would have standards when it comes to your friends and they would, therefore, be in your same league.

  8. TSB

    Spot on with the three “Harsh Truths” bullets. I can attest that in my own dating experience, every woman I’ve been involved with over the last few years qualifies as one of the three. Let’s take quick look.

    -Dated a girl a with a major temper.
    -Dated another that moved across the country, leaving a guy behind, then dated me, decided to move across the country again, ending it with me.
    -Anther serial dater in her 30s desperate for a husband, but had ridiculously high standards for looks and success, well above her potential. She was a 6/7 sitting on the wall and talking about marrying a doctor. Please.

    Each one an example of the above. And guess what? They are all still single. No surprise there.

  9. Bardon

    These trends are irreversible. Promiscuity lowers female self-esteem (although it may seem the opposite). A romance engram in their minds (mature Middle Ages, troubadour culture, white knight …) is ineradicable. Just, combine that with modern mobility, moral shallowness & relativism, the result is all too predictable- they’ll end up with cats. Because Mr. Right didn’t make enough bucks; because he aged; because he sometimes farted … And Percival or Lancelot, I suppose, didn’t fart.

  10. Pingback: Ladies, Don’t Ask Us To Clean Up After Your Girlfriends’ Dating Mistakes « PUA Central

  11. Suffering considerable personality flaws that drive men away (abrasive), or drive men away from committing (slutty), or blow her dating logistics (the Rules/sucky girl game)

    Fucking brilliant. Good on you for not buying into her shit.

  12. Candide

    You know how I know you’re an INTJ? A huuuuuuuuuuge blog post just because some chick at a dinner party asked something lame. What’s your answer to her btw? What was she wearing? Boobs? Her friend’s boobs? You didn’t play any practical joke on them? Surely you know some loser fella you can introduce her friend to just to take the piss out of them? :D

    Btw (not to criticize your choice of word) I’ve dropped the “Ladies” thingo in favour of calling them “Women” or “Woman” in my social circle, modelling after a charming sexist blue collar guy I know who’s a hit with them. They love it. Charming sexist is what I want to present myself as.

  13. Eoin MacAodh

    “Charming Sexist.” Perfect.

    As for the post, it does sound like the girl was making a clumsy attempt to hit on you. Remember, when a girl is talking about sex or dating with you, she’s thinking about sexing/dating you. She’s probably just an obnoxious mess who has never learned to properly initiate. If she was only playing matchmaker, she would have suggested that you meet her friend, not one of your friends; she’s hoping to get her own thing going, and any benefit to her friend is incidental.

    Besides, as long as she isn’t taken, it can’t hurt to just assume she’s hitting on you.

    I think the others have it spot on about the definition of “normal” in this context; it’s just a code word for “guy who meets her unrealistic standards.”

  14. taterearl

    Yeah that sounds like one of those covert statements women throw out when they are interested. The mythical friend who can’t meet normal guys is probably her.

  15. wudang

    “You impressed her. She liked you and figured you would have standards when it comes to your friends and they would, therefore, be in your same league.”

    Yup

  16. Danny C

    I can’t believe what I am reading?? You sound like a wussie. Why not snap back with something like “No, I don’t have any normal friends, they are all extraordinary, like me. Good luck with your friend.” Then turn away and find something better in the room to do.

  17. Hamster Tamer

    You didn’t find her attractive, ergo you didn’t honor/isolate her w/ 1-on-1 convo, ergo her Attention Whoring Needs™ were NOT being met, ergo clumsy attempt to IOI you, probably just due to your proximity. The word “irked” suggests she might have thrown you out of frame. I understand FULLY your (my) tendency towards extensive intellectual analysis of the situ, but in hindsight, it was simply an opportunity to practice cocky-funny with true Outcome Independence.

    PS: Bewbz?? It’s highly INconsiderate for a wimminz–host or guest–to attend a dinner party, and NOT have her blouse bunnies JACKED UP to at least the level of her clavicles, with a blatant oysters-on-the-half-shell max-cleavage presentation, oui/non? (CLUE-by-4 for wimminz: SHELF BRA + SCOOP neckline!) Then you can innocently ask, “Wow, did you just hear… a MOTORBOAT?”

  18. Pingback: Lightning Round – 2012/11/14 « Free Northerner

  19. Pingback: Ladies, Don’t Ask Us To Clean Up After Your Girlfriends’ Dating Mistakes « PUA Central

  20. One side of this which strikes me is the complete denial so many women are in regarding their insatiable need to continuously fill the hopper with new men. In their mind, they are carefully looknig for “the one”, but in reality they are consuming mass quantities in a never ending binge that would make the coneheads blush. Contrast this with the very open acceptance of this reality by men in the (non married) game sphere. The woman’s friend strip mined ok cupid, and now is complaining about a lack of natural resources. Men learning pickup start by learning that they need to establish an effective pipeline; women playing the opposite game insist on pretending they are on a quest for lasting commitment.

  21. deti

    Dalrock:

    “In their mind, they are carefully looknig for “the one”, but in reality they are consuming mass quantities in a never ending binge that would make the coneheads blush. ** * women playing the opposite game insist on pretending they are on a quest for lasting commitment.”

    This is an important point that women at large often miss, even when evaluating their own conduct. Why does a woman “slut around”? She says she’s “looking for love”. Well, how many ONSs or STRs does she need to have before she figures out it is not working?

    The answer to me is simply this: She is fooling herself that she is looking for love. She’s not. She’s looking for sex with the most attractive men she can find. The reasons are legion: excitement, drama, validation, affirmation, bragging rights, acceptance in the group, scratching an itch, the outside chance that the hookup will lead to a relationship of some kind.

  22. cynical optimist

    @Deti
    The funny current scenario as confirmed by Dalrock is the large dempgraphic of 28-33 year old women who are just realising they have really fucked up by buying into the feminist/career/hookup ideology, they can enjoy the cat nurturing, im only to happy to engage in the hypergamous arms race heh.

  23. Hey that sounds like me. I always tell inquisitive people (usually women) in my life that I’m on the quest for everlasting love, when they want to know why I keep hopping from girl to girl and whether I’m some kind of woman-hatin’ playa.

    I love cats and dogs equally though.

  24. Alex

    “The woman’s friend strip mined ok cupid, and now is complaining about a lack of natural resources.”

    One of the best lines about today’s women and dating I’ve ever read.

  25. Pingback: SpoogeReport

  26. Pingback: She needs more men! | Dalrock

  27. Spacetraveller

    Oh dear!

    I agree with everyone who says that this woman wanted to line up Badger for HERSELF.
    But the serious flaw wth her appraoch is this: How was she to know that Badger himself was not on OKCupid?
    That was an unfortinate ‘own goal’.
    Clumsy…
    I don’t blame Badger for his reaction therefore…

  28. Spacetraveller

    *unfortunate*

  29. Candide

    Nah, that’s not the flaw.

    Her OK Cupid line, if she were a:

    Nottie: social faux pas, lengthy blog post ensued
    Hottie: flirty neg, game on baby, lengthy lay report ensued

  30. Spacetraveller

    Candide, :-)
    I see what you mean.

    But neither choice is one that this woman would want, of course…
    In the first case, Badger ran a mile from her.
    In the second scenario, she gets ‘pumped and dumped’ (presumably).

    So the OK Cupid line was a no-no…no?

    She could have made her request in a way that could have engaged Badger. In a way that could have made him neither to run away from her nor to wish to ‘pump and dump’ her.
    (Assuming he is indeed available, that is).

    But all this woman managed to do was piss him off.

    And so many women are doing just this. Given that men are the gatekeepers of commitment, this is a fail-fail technique.

    Hence the never-ending tale of woe, ‘Where are all the good men’?

    Answer: ‘They are right under your nose but you are repelling them’.

    One thing I have noticed is that Blue Pill women do not seem to know that they have to ‘work’ to get commitment.
    It is the same principle as men having to ‘work’ to get sex.

    So men can speak of sexual conquests and women can’t.
    Women could theoretically speak of a commitment ‘conquest’, except, as a rule, we don’t, because the idea of a conquest is not particularly feminine, and in any case, it is not a ‘competition’. The commitment is a much-desired step on the ladder of life, not to be ‘belittled’ by comparing it to a sport or a game.

    Maybe Badger should have given the woman a little lecture. It would have been a public service of sorts…

  31. Martian Bachelor

    Famed sportswriter Bert Sugar once mentioned an Aunt Weeda (sp?) who had a saying: “All men are different, all husbands are the same”.

    That’s your definition of ‘normal’ in this circumstance, because, by definition that can’t be very rare.

  32. You should’ve hooked her up with the craziest homeless guy you could find

  33. Spacetraveller, one of the top things a woman can do to easily deflate the commitment boner of a man is to start complaining about what life is offering is not good enough for her. If her friend is advertising this fact on her behalf, the friend is sabotaging her prospects.

    One of the core things men’d want from their LTR is appreciation for the little things in life, because then we’d get to relax around her and know that our hard work & effort are appreciated.

    Should Badger give her a lecture? No. I strongly discourage men from giving unsolicited advices to women. Nothing good can ever come from that. Let them suffer :D

  34. RG3

    I’ve always maintained that if I find myself wifeless, I would stake out Cafe Milano across from Stanford in Palo Alto, where arguably some of the most beautiful, and smartest, foreign grad students chicks hang with assumption that they don’t sudffer American Girl Insanity. Obv I’d screen out Women’s Studies, French Post Modern Philosophy, and law students.

  35. Pingback: Blocking and Tackling Addendum – What is Normal? | Offense Wins Championships

  36. Pingback: Anonymous

  37. Pingback: Tales From The Wall | The Badger Hut

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s