Comfort Game By Stocking Your Fridge

Hat tip to Danger and Play. A great video about having the right food and drink to grease a seduction through its final stages:

It’s really worth watching for the commentary, which includes female drink choice broken down by age, using Otter Pops to disarm the children of single mothers, snacks for zaftig women and an assertion that “black people don’t eat bleu cheese.”

This is brilliant stuff. With even a portion of his inventory, you have automatic variety available when a gal comes over which makes you look cosmopolitan, and when you bring a group back for an impromptu after-party (a key trick in the club-game arsenal) you have a ready-made party spread to keep things going.

Plus, there is an aesthetic appeal to having an orderly, well-stocked fridge and pantry with lots of choice.

COMFORT IS A STEP IN THE GAME

Mystery’s flowchart for closing the deal is attraction->comfort->seduction, in that order, in some number of meetings (he posited seven hours as a reasonable amount of buildup to the final seduction move; results from the field vary wildly, but once attraction is triggered sex is not long in coming).

Unless you’re catching a woman on Spring Break, on a foreign vacation or some other environment where the accountability is low and the windows of opportunity are short, generating attraction is not enough. You have to provide some comfort factors to your nascent romance to create a sense of nonsexual bonding and to allow her mind some time to anneal the concept of being with you. Thus the heavy PUA emphasis on building rapport, on cold reading to imbue a sense of familiarity, on bouncing locations to create the illusion of extended contact, on setting off the emotional adventure in her head, on throwing out some bones of vulnerability. Most guys do not have enough attraction power to totally dictate the terms of the exchange, and need some beta traits to smooth things along. What you’re doing is setting her up with the idea that this is a normal thing that’s happening and that you’re a normal, regular guy (even as your attraction/alpha game is trying to set you apart from all the other herbs that want to get into her pants.)

NESTING AS COMFORT GAME, NOT AS DISPLAY OF HIGH VALUE

When it comes to comfort factors, a little nesting goes a long way. Having your place be comfy and inviting, with some tasty foodstuffs and interesting reading material on the table, is not going to turn on your typical American woman with burning desire. It is, however, going to prevent her from thinking “eww, what kind of place does he live in?” or “hmm, this whole thing is actually kinda trashy” which will happen if your home life is a spartan mess.

If the woman is at your home alone with you, odds are she’s pretty attracted to you and her body agenda is at least willing to hear your body agenda’s seductive offer. She doesn’t need a lifeline, she’ll know her final answer soon enough; that’s why she came alone. Your job is to not screw it up and escalate on opportunity.

It’s all about eliminating worrysome distractions. If she has to consider, even for an instant, whether a roach will scurry under the counter when the lights are switched on, the seduction is at Defcon II.

(I once successfully negotiated past a disaster-area mess in my living room by stating plainly that I was about to move and so all my stuff was laid out for packing. That fact happened to be true, but the important thing was she discounted the negative beta points and we went on with the plan.)

BETA TRAITS KEEP THE GAME GOING

If you had a motto for flexing beta traits in your game, it should be “don’t try to win it, just keep us in it.” Don’t think that you are making her hotter for you; what you’re doing is eliminating reasons for her to say no. Athol Kay had a great riff on this with the L-Spot; he argued that by taking the initiative to do the laundry, you take a big physical and logistical complication off of her to-do list AND you have fresh sheets on the bed. (Obviously there’s a balance point here, if you’re already too beta or failing fitness tests, doubling down is not going to help.)

Mothers have been indoctrinating their sons into comfort game for generations; the mistake they have made is to let their sons think that being clean-cut and well-made at home is going to get girls chasing them. It’s valuable for seduction, but in a certain way at a certain time; the way is not making her want you sexually, and the time is not at the front end of the encounter.

I know there’s going to be at least one person in the comments who is like, “this is bunk, I haven’t cleaned my place since the Bush administration and I still get plenty of tail.” Putting aside the Internet-tough-guy pose, the question for the readers is, is that YOU? Are YOU getting a ton of tail while neglecting key parts of the game equation? If you’re not, you don’t have any margin of error to play with – load the dishwasher and get a broom. Don’t engage in game feats of strength where you try to get laid with intentionally-imposed handicaps. Some guys think they can get away with the slovenly, unkempt frat-guy game that worked in college (which worked because nobody had any money or long-term dwellings). As you age, that style of game yields trashier and trashier women, because beautiful women shift away from pure social dominance and free beer and towards the elevated income and status they can command in men as they move into adult society.

A sidebar: In America today, we are regrettably at a point where the presence of comfort is itself an anti-attraction trait, a Display of Low Value (DLV) to a significant pocket of women. Unless he’s blessed with preeminent good looks or status, a guy who has the time and wherewithall to tidy his dwelling and practice some basic courtesy is presumed not edgy or exciting enough for attraction to today’s spoiled Millenials. (And then after the women go through a few years of rewarding the overconfident slobs and leaving Billy Beta alone with his hand, they are shocked to find that the men they spent their best years on are still drinking cheap beer and playing video games, just like they did in college whatwith no incentive to change. Meanwhile the not-so-hot guys with the comfy beta traits have opted out entirely and won’t sign up to be the “I’ve had my fun and now I want to settle down with YOU” targets.)

13 Comments

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13 responses to “Comfort Game By Stocking Your Fridge

  1. littlepdog.com (wrong link in username)

    That video is laugh out loud funny and insightful at the same time. Cheers dude

  2. i stand behind my comment about how ridiculous that kid stocking his fridge just for what a girl might like is. if she’s drinking sierra mist and snapple, and he’s AMAZED at a chrome garbage can that costs $30 at target- tells me the kinds of women he’s bringing home.

    where as my house is down up for ME. if she’s thirsty she can have water, almond milk, or sweet tea. if she wants a snaffle she stop at BP and grab one on the way over. lol.

  3. Zbignu

    I always have a few bottles of white wine in the fridge. Pinot Grigio, Chardonnay and a good Riesling. That covers all your bases as far as chick wine goes. For the bar, as long as you have vodka you are ok. Make sure you stock a pack of juice boxes in Cranberry so you can make a cosmo for the Sex in the City girls.

  4. I found the video satirical. I think if I did something like this it would come across as trying too hard, which would be creepy and hence the opposite of comfort building. I rather go make some popcorn while she picks out a movie on my computer to watch on my TV. I have clarified butter around so I just make on the stove in a pot with a generous pinch of salt. No loud popcorn maker, which is too domestic; no microwave popcorn, which is too lame. She can have tea/coffee/water to drink. Comfort-food and a movie is a lot more comfort building then bringing out a block of bree and some wine spritzers, IMHO.

    Obviously, bring out one big bowl, and only share if she sits next to you.

  5. I feel like I lost brain cells watching that video. Seems awfully try-hard.

  6. Aaaaand my prediction came true in spades.

    I get where you guys are coming from, but I think your standards of what constitutes “try-hard” behavior are very low. Advocating a spartan existence because “only losers stock their fridges” is just one step away from “quit trying to game these chicks, why don’t you just be yourself man?” and a front-row ticket to the Buddy Whackett show.

    I bet you guys have a mental image of him trying to ply her panties off by offering her Snapple and Squeezits; it’s probably more like he opens the fridge and says boisterously “take whatever you want, baby!” then escorts her to the couch to watch a movie they’ll watch the first 15 minutes of before things get nuzzly.

    One of the funny truths about the game is that there’s a thin line between alpha and omega – a thin line between being aloof and just looking bored, between being suave and coming off as effete, between having a nice comfortable apartment and telegraphing that you’re a closeted nesting freak, between inviting a woman into your life and playing try-hard.

    Having stuff to eat and drink in your place is part of lifestyle game.

    http://dangerandplay.wordpress.com/2012/01/09/lifestyle-v-game-2/

  7. me

    Meanwhile the not-so-hot guys with the comfy beta traits have opted out entirely and won’t sign up to be the “I’ve had my fun and now I want to settle down with YOU” targets.)

    nail head meet hammer

  8. Georgia Boy

    Badger: “(And then after the women go through a few years of rewarding the overconfident slobs and leaving Billy Beta alone with his hand, they are shocked to find that the men they spent their best years on are still drinking cheap beer and playing video games, just like they did in college whatwith no incentive to change. Meanwhile the not-so-hot guys with the comfy beta traits have opted out entirely and won’t sign up to be the “I’ve had my fun and now I want to settle down with YOU” targets.)”

    Man, I’m that part in the flesh. 

    Unfortunately my college days were way before there was a manosphere, back in the hyper PC days of Thelma and Louise and Forrest Gump. I respect my dad but he was and is highly beta, and I was lost in blue pill land. I had some manosphere like thoughts though and eventually I did cure enough of my anti-game to give myself some choices.

    By the time I reached the point where the women my own age wanted to settle down, I had younger ones interested too, and the younger ones were easier to boot. Hypergamous 21 yos are much less jaded and cynical than 30 yo lawyer chicks. And they are just at that age where a lot of them start to want something more than their party boys. Younger women are always proudly convinced they are mature for their age (regardless of whether they truly have ever struggled to master anything much in their lives yet) and so their own hamsters make them easy pickings for a successful guy in his early 30s. 

    If: 1. she thinks she’s mature, and 2. as usual she confuses maturity with the tangible rewards that sometimes (but not always) come with years of mature decisions and habits, then 3. she thinks she deserves a guy who has that stuff.  It’s insanely easy if you get the right one, it’s like your whole life is one big DHV to her. (yes, having a good home place can help. I was living in this place downtown right across from a landmark cathedral and was walking distance from the clubs.)

    So why put up with the emotional baggage of a woman who rode the bad boy carousel for close to 20 years? I’m married to a woman much younger, who loves me very much and thinks I’m great, it’s a much better deal.

    It’s great fun to read all the butthurt whining from the single thirtysomething lawyer chicks in the NY Times every Valentine’s Day saying men are the reason for their unsatisfactory (to them) dating lives. I don’t look at it the same way as I used to, it’s like a farcial movie now. I suppose the hamsters would just dismiss me as immature for robbing the cradle, but I have no reason to care, or to educate them on the lies they tell thrmselves. If I’m feeling sadistic that day I know just how to push their buttons.

  9. “By the time I reached the point where the women my own age wanted to settle down, I had younger ones interested too, and the younger ones were easier to boot. Hypergamous 21 yos are much less jaded and cynical than 30 yo lawyer chicks.”

    Dalrock wrote about this in The Weakened Signal http://dalrock.wordpress.com/2012/01/08/the-weakened-signal/; if women wait until the precipice of middle age to lock down men, those men will be either unprepared for the material “duties” of marriage, or they will be cognoscent of their own value and eager to spend it on younger/hotter/tighter.

    Solomon II’s post The Marriage Zone:

    http://solomonreborn.wordpress.com/2011/03/11/proverb-14-the-marriage-zone/

    dovetailed with Dalrock’s idea, advising men that women would seek to lock them down when they hit peak value but before they realized the possibilities that awaited them.

    Related: yesterday on some chick blog, I read ANOTHER rationalization that “men like to date younger women because younger women are easily impressed and fooled and have low standards” with a heaping helping of shaming. These women sooo have no idea what they’re talking about, it strikes me as not just a rationalization but a self-projection that because THEY were stupid and had poor judgment at a young age, all women must be the same way.

  10. Georgia Boy

    Yeah, and it’s casting it as an age thing even though it really isn’t. Some people can make a few mistakes and learn from them fairly quickly, like by age 21, but others will just go on and on with choices that don’t make them happy. My wife knows women close to my age who are single, some divorced, some never married. She has a more level head on her shoulders than some of them, for sure, though she’s younger. One of her best friends is early 40s and still at it, PUAs make passes at her all the time and some succeed. I suppose there’s nothing inherently wrong with that except she doesn’t seem happy. She’s been divorced at least five years and still can’t support herself though she’s a college grad, wakes up every other day of the week with a hangover, no family in this town, never seems to have a steady relationship. Or maybe she’s got one of those quiet relationship-without-a-label’s that she doesn’t talk about, but that too speaks to intimacy phobia. That’s not higher standards, that’s just having issues.

  11. Badger, come on.

    When I stock my fridge, I have… FOOD! What a concept!

    Along with a decent variety of juices and sodas that should suit anyone that visits. If not, they’re too picky and a damned rude guest to boot.

    Besides, if having a certain drink on hand or not is going to make or break my chances, she’s obviously 1) not THAT interested in sex and 2) a serious pain in the ass that probably needs to be shown the door sooner rather than later.

  12. MM,

    You are coming at this from completely the wrong direction. Nowhere do I or the video man claim you’ll get rejected if you don’t have the girl’s favorite drink on hand. His point is that certain types of girls like certain things, which smooths the period between arriving at your joint and initiating the final move.

    It’s the difference between provider game (which says please love me because I give you this stuff) and having a good lifestyle (which says, I’m the type of guy who likes to have a well-stocked fridge in case people come over).

  13. Pingback: Linkage Is Good For You: I Have Arrived | Society of Amateur Gentlemen

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