Trojan Is A Poor Choice of Brand Name

The Trojan War was an epic war of antiquity fought between the invading Greeks and the defending city of Troy. The pretext for the war was the elopement of Helen, sister of the Gemini twins Castor and Pollux and the most beautiful woman in the world, with Paris of Troy after she had been promised to paper-alpha Menelaus. The expedition was led by Menelaus’ brother Agamemnon and included the heroic efforts of cousins Achilles and Ajax.

The Greeks laid siege to the city for ten years before delivering the final blow in a creative ruse designed by the noble warrior Odysseus. The Greek force feigned their surrender by burning their camp and delivering to the Trojans a giant wooden horse ostensibly offered as a sacrifice to Athena for the blessings of a safe trip home. Filled with soldiers, the Trojan Horse’s true purpose was made clear when the troops inside escorted the remainder of their army inside the city walls for an epic sack of the city.

With the history laid bare, the real purpose of this post is to ask one question:

Why would you want to use a condom that is named after the people who lost the war (a war that began via infidelity), and who lost specifically because they let bad things cross their protective barrier?

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13 Comments

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13 responses to “Trojan Is A Poor Choice of Brand Name

  1. Orion

    Bad name… but perhaps accurate. Someone close to me got pregnant from one failing.

  2. funkyfelis

    Well you have to remember that the city of Troy was a completely impenetrable fortress for ten years of siege, and that the only way the Greeks could get in was through underhanded trickery. So it’s like, I guess you might get through our condoms, if you poke holes in them with a needle or something. Otherwise: IMPENETRABLE FORTRESS.

  3. Grit

    Ahh-

    I immediately thought of a big giant object that enters the gates and bursts forth with the swarming warriors hidden within.

  4. Senior Beta

    Ask a USC grad.

  5. Epic comment funkyfelis

  6. “Ask a USC grad.”

    You mean Probation Nation?

  7. “the only way the Greeks could get in was through underhanded trickery.”

    I don’t think it was ever regarded as underhanded, more like “the Trojans were really fucking stupid to accept it especially after being warned to beware of Greeks bearing gifts.”

    Speaking of this topic, has anyone noticed that “impregnable” and “impregnate” sound remarkably alike, yet mean opposite things?

  8. I always assumed Trojans were named after the Trojan Horse, rather than the city of Troy. A horse that breaches the defenses holding lots of men ready to screw you over if you let them out.

    Either way though, bad name branding. Figure it was someone with no history that thought the name sounded cool and masculine.

    Hadn’t ever noticed that vocabulary contrast before though Badger. Sometimes the English language is weird.

  9. Candide

    Well you Yanks aren’t exactly known to be aware of world history.

  10. Why don’t name them “Spartans”? Or Leónidas? They were only 300 and could contain thousands of Persians.

  11. Pingback: Linkage Is Good For You – 7-29-12 | Society of Amateur Gentlemen

  12. The One Reason

    One pack of Thermopylaes, please. Unribbed.

    “Trojan (horse), the vehicle that helps you penetrate your woman’s defenses.”
    (to be read in the masculine voice of a 1980s car ad voiceover)
    Rather intuitive, come to think of it.

  13. AnonymousDog

    “Bad” name-branding? Odd, maybe, if you are familiar with the Iliad, but it evidently isn’t “bad” enough to have hurt sales.

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