Don’t Get Jealous, Part II: Everyone Feels Unsatisfied About Something

A couple of weeks ago, I noted that there’s a tendency to get envious of other people’s love lives without really knowing the full story, and to compare ourselves to others based on a false and distorted perception of their partners. In particular, this can be a real killer to a man fresh into the game, as he’ll be constantly discouraged thinking everyone else around him is slaying poon like a hair-metal musician, OR that everyone else is landing perfect relationship partners with ease, and that anxiety will cause bad game to leak out.

I just came across a Mark Manson post that that develops this idea, using the environment of a Rio beach’s cross-section of people:

On the boardwalk at Ipanema Beach, it’s a sunny Sunday afternoon in Rio de Janeiro. Skateboarders, rollerbladers, joggers, surfers, bikers, juicers, tanners, vacationers, staffers — they all pass by, skin shiny and mildly naked. Sand and salt and vanity fill the air.

And the man with the four hot girls with him is annoyed at how loud and obnoxious his sisters and their friends are and wishes he could hang out with his guy friends instead. Not far away, a man at the beach with his guy friends ignores their games and jokes and looks longingly at the girls laying out tanning topless and wonders how one would go about meeting them.

And the girl laying out tanning wishes her boyfriend were around so the men would stop staring at her. And her boyfriend, wading into the water alone for hours on end, wishes his girlfriend would stop crowding him and demanding his attention all the time. He envies the single men who are able to roam free and do what they want whenever they’d like.

The skinny girls wish they had hips and the girls with hips want to be skinnier. The brunettes dye their hair blond and the blond girls wish they were darker like the brunettes. The men playing volleyball wish they could surf and the surfers wish they had the time and money to buy drinks and a nice umbrella to sit under and the men with drinks and the nice umbrellas wish they were young and healthy and playing volleyball again.

Read the whole thing, it’s really good.

A bit of dissatisfaction is not a bad thing; it keeps us striving for more. But when dissatisfaction means cursing your lot for not having this or that, and thinking that someone else who does has got it made, you’re on the first step to an endless cycle of chasing “happiness” or “contentment” like it was something you could catch, clean and mount on the wall.

To add a personal note to this, before I got into the game field I was working hard on honing my happiness and my acceptance of the regular yet unpredictable changes that were evolving my life from high school to college through grad school and then the working world. I’m proud of how I’ve been able to roll with it and successfully accommodate job changes, cross-country moves, and single and coupled periods. My work on that composure has paid off quite well, and it’s the key to my sense of groundedness and outcome-independent demeanor, which in turn has obviously enhanced my game.

 

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12 Comments

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12 responses to “Don’t Get Jealous, Part II: Everyone Feels Unsatisfied About Something

  1. that could apply to all aspects of life. people arent making as much money as you think. their job isnt as great as you think, etc, etc. we project other people to be so much better than ourselves that it can really take you out the game

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  3. mgwk

    Wise post. The mindset you describe isn’t limited to Game, or to men. We’re all prone to thinking of happiness as a status to be achieved, or a commodity to be accumulated.

    Beautiful sunrises aren’t like that. As I have fairly frequent occasion to remind Mrs. mgwk — and myself — better to view happiness as a welcome but transient side effect of striving to live in ways that connect with our deeper and better natures.

    [/soapbox]

  4. SomeGirl

    ” a welcome but transient side effect of striving to live ……”

    I had never heard it put quite this way. Brilliant. I will save this quote, thank you.

  5. Infantry

    Its amusing how we get into this to learn about getting more women and end up finding its more effective and rewarding to do a complete lifestyle and personality makeover. Pity its so much more intensive and time consuming than playing dress-ups and spouting a few lines we got out of a cereal box.

    Roosh has written recently about the transient nature of happiness, which fits quite well with your post Badger.

  6. Candide

    Don’t get jealous, get even?

  7. P Ray

    ^ Live better, it’s the best revenge.
    An 80 year old guy who looks 45 gets to date younger.
    A man who doesn’t try to win over a woman who istn’t interested in him, saves his time and money to meet someone who is.

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  9. DC Phil

    @Infantry

    Indeed. Women are but one part of the equation — and, unfortunately, a very dominant part of it when we’re younger and full of high T. (“Looking at life through a spermy green haze,” as one writer put it years ago.) Precious little seems to matter, unless you’ve already slayed enough women by the time you hit 30 and where it doesn’t matter as much anymore.

    In my 20s, I tried to learn how to make myself happy, even to the point of being unemployed voluntarily for a while at different points in my life. I think it’s paid off — but I’m not in the ground yet, and so am still learning. :)

  10. Female Human Who's Not Interested in Being in a Harem

    Y’all use phrases like “…get more women…” with a straight face and then wonder why no self-respecting woman wants anything to do with you?

  11. FMWNIIBIH,

    It’s amazing how fliply a woman will comment on these issues with a trite “you guys are a bunch of LOOOOsers!” or “you’re bitter because you can’t get laid.” This is such a default knee-jerk position in any mixed space discussing game or the darker sides of female sexuality, and women expect men will just fold over and start sucking up to ameliorate the judgments of women they’ve never met. I swear they must teach it in female argumenting school or something.

    I get it though. Men becoming aware of their sexual power is very threatening to women. It’s a lot to expect women to be able to discuss it rationally – it just hits too close to home.

    http://marriedmansexlife.com/2012/03/game-empowers-men-so-its-suspect/

    http://rationalmale.wordpress.com/2012/02/10/the-threat/

  12. Candide

    “I swear they must teach it in female argumenting school or something.”

    Women’s Studies subjects at university / college. No joke. That’s how they’re taught to debate.

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