The man speaks:
There is only one fundamental rule of sexual attraction. No man can fake an erection. If he’s got one, you’ve still got it.
There are so many angles I could take this one, but I’m going to open it to the readership for commentary.
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That depends. Even a woman I detest, hate, cannot stand can give me a woody. Doesn’t mean squat. Erections are involuntary. I can fuck (which requires and erection) you tonite and leave you tomorrow. I can fuck the ugliest, fattest whale on the planet. Doesn’t mean she’s attractive.
One could argue masturbation is always performed with a ‘fake erection’.
Said erection could be applied to any number of women.
A solid rule of thumb.
If you really let yourself go, however, it isn’t you he’s thinking about to get that erection going….just thought I’d toss that nice little cookie into the mix.
“One could argue masturbation is always performed with a ‘fake erection’.”
Not sure i agree. In order to get an erection, one must be aroused. And unless you woke up with morning wood, you’re going to need to imagine a situation that will arouse you.
The only way you could claim a fake erection in the scenario Vox describes is if he is looking at his partner and gets an erection while thinking of someone else who is much hotter. ie. the erection was not caused by the sight of his naked partner but by using a ‘cheat code’.
What about Viagra?
Inducing a commitment boner in a man should be her priority.
If the Wife still gets you horny. She has done something right,
‘Not sure i agree. In order to get an erection, one must be aroused. And unless you woke up with morning wood, you’re going to need to imagine a situation that will arouse you.’
That’s what I meant by ‘fake’. If you can imagine up a situation that gets you hard when all you have is your hand, doing the same should be much easier with even the beastliest of women.
Should we add that it in natural state it always points in the right direction…
My wood is highly selective. I have a minimum hotness boner threshold. Cellulite is boner-kryptonite. Fat-girl smell is as bad or worse. I can handle “butter-face” for a while, but even then, the steely, 100-Rockwell rated boner flags to maybe 40 on the Rockwell scale after a time.
Alcohol in my system changes it unpredictably, so I don’t drink much.
My wood is pretty selective, too.
I’m always surprised by guys who take home fatties from the bars. I’m thinking, “My God, I couldn’t even get it up for that whale.” Some guys are just attracted to the existence of the hole, I think, and that’s enough for them.
I have a friend-of-a-friend who is an extremely unattractive woman, in her late 50’s and very overweight. And yet she has a line of men waiting to fuck her. As Athol said once, “the sexiest thing a woman can be is available.” And as she herself once said, “Some guys will fuck anything.”
While this may be true, it’s also irrelevant. Consider:
The blowjob standard is the absolute lowest standard there is in terms of necessary female attractiveness, below even holding hands. I’ve let some chicks blow me (without any other physical contact) who I wouldn’t be caught dead with in public. Yet I still got a boner.
Doesn’t mean she ever “had it” in the first place.
“No man can fake an erection. If he’s got one, you’ve still got it.
There are so many angles I could take this one”
You can take an erection from so many angles? We learn something new about you everyday, my dear Badger.
I tried a chick slightly below my boner threshold one time. It didn’t end well for either party. Never again!
I cannot agree with Vox on this one. I had one encounter with an ex where I really HAD to think of someone else to get going. For some reason I cannot recall she was a total cold fish that night and it was a total boner-killer. But I wanted to blow my nut anyway. I closed my eyes, thought of a hot Playboy model and went to town.
It worked, but felt completely wrong. I’ll never do it again.
If any woman isn’t tripping my trigger, I’ll call her out on it ASAP. If she won’t put in the effort after being called out on it, we’ve got serious problems.
“That’s what I meant by ‘fake’. If you can imagine up a situation that gets you hard when all you have is your hand, doing the same should be much easier with even the beastliest of women.”
Dunno. Beastly women seriously damage my calm and prove to be a huge distraction. Don’t think i have that kind of Zen to let mental imagery overcome the hideous.
If a woman is attractive enough, especially if i care about her, i don’t need to fake one even if she’s starting to go over the hill. My exwife was no 18 year old spring chicken but i didn’t have to imagine an 18yr old in order to do her.
I don’t know a single man who hasn’t bagged a fatty or two in his day. Do fatties have it? I don’t think so, but every now and then desperation combines with cheap gin to make it seem like they do.
I’ve just discovered your blog, and I am very pleasantly surprised.
I agree with a lot that you have to say – about the female SMV, about it being hard to find a good woman. Even though I am a woman, and it shouldn’t come to me so naturally. I wish I had the chance to find such deep insights from female bloggers.
What I miss a lot in these types of blogs is a positive approach. You’re very detailed in your analyses, rational while being clearly opinionated – you let your own voice be heard through your posts. All of these characteristics when taken into consideration create an image of a well-experienced and analytic mind. Is it all there is to it? Aren’t there moments when you’re impressed with women, with who they are as human beings?
I’ve stood by, learned from and cared for some marvelous men. They’ve reminded me times and times to not forget about my own goals and desires, sexual ones especially, that giving space is important, but smart support can do wonders, what smart support means. They’ve explicitly told me to take care of my low self-esteem, which I’ve battled and it opened a new chapter in my life.
More importantly – I haven’t seen a blog post about caring for women, when you have a good relationship. About pushing them further, about not being “scared” of/taking the time and effort to talk to them about these kind of thoughts you have and listening to their insight to get a different perspective.
Because that’s what I’ve always done. I’ve valued the male perspective, yours among them, and the broader it is the more fascinating it becomes to my mind.
Folks talking about “fake” erections are missing the point.
Married women have concerns about their husbands being attracted (this is the scenario, not interested in NAWALT).
If a husband looks at his wife and bones up, he’s still attracted to her.
That’s it. Don’t overcomplicate the original sentence.
If he has to think about others, you don’t still have it. If he looks at you and has one, you have it.
The statement addresses her internal concerns only.
As far as fatties or whatever, you were sexually aroused by the situation. Own up to it, for Pete’s sake. You may never be aroused by the same situation again, but you’re not going to sustain wood without having some sick part of your mind saying, “This is so nasty, it’s arousing.”
I’m not sure what you are looking for in regards to a female blogger, but I have given it a go. If you are interested . . . . humbly,
I don’t know all the unwritten rules of blogging yet. If that last post was inappropriate of me and you don’t post it, . . . it’s understood.
This is a very interesting question, and sadly for the ladies, the answer is that there is NO WAY of knowing for sure whether a man genuinely desires you or not. In fact, I would go so far as to say that it’s more difficult for a woman than a man (if he is enlightened) to know whether she is desired.
Firstly, as many have already commented, it is perfectly possible to use a mental image of hot woman or situation to provoke the necessary desire to “service” un undesired woman.
Secondly, “boners” are not equivalent to desire. Morning wood, for example, is totally involuntary, and often unassociated with any sexual thought. You can always wake up with one then roll onto your local humpback, what does that prove ?
Lastly, you can perfectly well drool over a woman for weeks then be unable to get it up, for a variety of reasons. Anguish, doubt, health problems, stress, tiredness, you name it.
“I don’t know a single man who hasn’t bagged a fatty or two in his day.”
Never have. Never will. I don’t have it in me.
“sadly for the ladies, the answer is that there is NO WAY of knowing for sure whether a man genuinely desires you or not.”
I would disagree. here’s the clue ladies. if the guy you’re doing is paying attention to your needs, picking up on your ques and is actively working to get you over the hump, i’d say he genuinely desires you. a man who desires you puts in effort.
if you get the old in & out, pump n dump, he comes first quick, puts pants on and leaves or tells you to splitl.. he doesn’t desire you, he only desired a quick release.
“Lastly, you can perfectly well drool over a woman for weeks then be unable to get it up, for a variety of reasons. Anguish, doubt, health problems, stress, tiredness, you name it.”
This i concur with. Sometimes women take it so personally that something is wrong with them because you can’t get it up on command because, oh i don’t know, a relative died or you just lost your job or you haven’t slept in 2 days, etc..
I’m with RTP – everyone is taking this way too literally. If a man is pursuing a woman sexually, with a good hard one, he’s attracted to her.
You don’t even need to use the original context, which was a married woman anxious that her declining SMV would cause her husband to fall out of love with her or that he was actively comparing her to 20-year old strumpets and finding her wanting.
Women sometimes fish for compliments/salve their insecurities by asking me, overtly or covertly, if I find this or that about them attractive. I usually respond with an unmistakbly sexual move, like an epic ass-smack or a deep kiss, and ask “would I do that if I didn’t?”
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Funny. My erections usually have the same angle to them.
45 degrees for maximum distance?
No problem plugging your blog here. I’ve done the same in many other places…
Thanks Badger. I appreciate it.
Xc: “More importantly – I haven’t seen a blog post about caring for women, when you have a good relationship.”
Athol’s got that niche filled well. Badger is superb for his deep analysis, and advice to break from the beta mold in an ethical, caring way. A man who understands and internalized these principles will have no problem managing an LTR, if that’s what he chooses. This blog is also rare in that it doesn’t presuppose casual sex or LTRs as an implict goal, but rather, giving men the ability to choose.
As a man who has been married for 15 years and with the same person, think of this blog as an earlier stop along the same highway.
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