Things You Can Do To Up Your Game+Lifestyle Value Right Now

There’s a good number of seemingly small things a guy can do almost at the snap of a finger, or at least in a one-shot outlay of a few minutes’ or hours’ time, to up his value in the sexual marketplace. I’ve put the ideas of game and lifestyle together because they really do go together – you need to have a good product (an interesting dynamic lifestyle), and an effective way to market it (vibe and tactics).

These are not specific moves for tactical attraction or logistics, nor are they large personal projects that require a gameplan and long-term dedication, but simple items to build your strategic value, to lay a better groundwork for the core product that you will market with your game skills.

Some of these things will make you more attractive, others will make you feel better about yourself and others will clear your mind so you can be more focused and deliberate in your life’s work. For some of them, doing them won’t make you attractive as not doing them will make you unattractive. Sure, there are schlubby, unkempt guys doing well with women. Are you one of them? If not, don’t stand in your own way by ignoring easy speedbumps.

In no particular order:

Practice and adopt the chin-up move (the Iguana): Private Man posted on a move he called The Iguana as a non-verbal opener, which involves a man flitting his head upward when making eye contact rather than downward as is normally seen as polite. Eric Barker also posted on research showing that men with chin-up behaviors were seen as more dominant, a study linked to by Roissy in a post I can’t hope to find right now.

Get clothes that fit: When it comes to clothes and fashion, you can go with any number of looks, but whichever one you choose will look 100% better if it fits properly. The grunge days are over, so forget the baggy look. Really shop around for jeans and slacks that fit right; get higher-end clothes tailored if you have to. Unless you work or socialize in a circle where top dress is sine qua non, you’ll do better getting a modest wardrobe that fits than blowing a wad on pricey stuff that looks like you’re a supernumerary in a Hammer video.

Get all the soft drinks and shitty snack food out of your house: Added sugars and boxed, processed foods are not just bad for you, they are pernicious in finding their way into your mouth if they are in your vicinity. Avoid the temptation by not having to resist it at all.

Start taking Omega-3 fish oil: Originally on the advice of Athol Kay, I’ve been taking between 2000 and 3000 mg per day for about the last 18 months. I don’t know how or why it works, but it’s made a tremendous difference not just in my physical condition but in my mental composure. I feel more decisive/”executive,” I worry less about things I can’t control, I’m less perturbed by irrelevant emotions and by criticism, I enjoy myself more when I’m doing the things I want to do, I’m more risk-tolerant and calmer when I do take risks – I’m more alpha, if you will.

Tidy your dwelling: Hat tip to Haley for this one. Having a clean apartment/house might not get you laid, but having a messy one sure can keep you from getting laid. Messiness will give most women the creeps. Put everything in its place and toss out shit you don’t need.

Put grooming in your daily schedule: I’m guessing most readers are brushing and/or flossing on the daily, but you should make shaving, skin care and cologne a regular habit as well. Clip your nails regularly too.

Start working out with weights: Lifting weights raises your testosterone, that’s the long and the short of it. Get over that cardio fetish, and don’t be one of those people who humps it on the elliptical for an hour and then undoes the whole thing by drinking a Gatorade. Inspired by Frost’s 15-minute workout plans, I went to a focused, fast, weights-heavy workout plan that served to build general muscle tone and get me exhausted. The result has been good feelings, quick fitness, and the best health I’ve had since I was playing football.

Stand up straight: The first of three distinct body-language items, standing up straight took me a long time to learn. As a tall man, I’m used to towering over most people and so felt I needed to slouch so as to meet people at their level. At some points in my schooling I was even taught to be ashamed of my size, as several teachers took the time to warn me, the gentlest kid in the class, to be extra careful not to hurt anybody. (Such are the ways that school teach young men to be positively non-attractive.)

It wasn’t until my first wisps of game that I came to grok that my height was a strong and un-fakeable attraction marker. And as I developed a better frame, I stood up straighter and got the full advantage of my height. Dating a tall woman helped, as she made sure that I knew it was important I was taller than her, and she was sure to respond when I showed good posture to boot.

Take up more space: Whatever your height is, you can exert positive body language by widening your feet, opening your knees, not putting your hands in your pockets, and putting your thumbs in your belt loops. When I’m at a bar or a cafe, I tend to throw one arm over the back of the adjacent chair, whether someone is sitting there or not. (Interestingly my father, a strong but introverted and non-dominant man, has always done this, whether it’s in the car, at a restaurant or a sporting event. It’s like one of his arms must always be in the extended position.)

Last year I was on a train with my right arm draped across the empty seat next to me. Coming off the platform, a young female French tourist sat down in the seat without a blink and was immediately friendly when I opened her. It was as if my inviting posture had made her more comfortable. Taking up space says a lot of things – it says dominance and power, but it also says comfort and calmness, stable and non-threatening.

Do everything slower: My own post on this is here, but suffice it to say that slowing your physical movements and speech patterns will result in a more competent, confident vibe. You’ll notice that if you’re standing straight up and taking up a lot of space, it’s pretty difficult to be manic in your movements, which further enhances the bold power of your body language.

Stop watching live TV: Putting aside the lack of quality programming on the American tube today, the dreck aired in commercial slots today is appalling. There’s no end to the unalloyed misandry and anti-male snark used to hock products to homemakers and strongindependentwomen, and the themes of marketeering appeal to our basest senses of novelty-seeking, spendthrift and perpetual dissatisfaction.

A couple years ago I stopped watching TV almost entirely. On occasion I would turn it on to see a show or a special I had been tipped off to, and I was quite surprised to realize that watching ads makes me want to buy the products and eat the foods. When in waiting rooms today, I marvel at how quickly I find myself hypnotized by the bright flashes on the screen.

DVR your shows, and get rerun programming on demand or on DVD. I don’t think it’s an exaggeration to say you’ll be a richer, more focused and less consumptive person if you quit watching live TV.

Start reading a good book: Despite the above, I’m not one who says TV is an evil instrument of cultural hegemony. Nonetheless, one does well to have a good book or two going at any time. Preferably a classic work that has earned a reputation and will expand your mind rather than simply fill it.

Buy some classics to familiarize yourself with the primary sources of our cultural tapestry, be it the Aeneid (an audacious piece of premodern imperial propaganda), Cyrano de Bergerac, Band of Brothers, Rip Van Winkle, the Bonfire of the Vanities – pick up something you want to read and sink into its world.

Sign up for an activity of interest that involves people (yoga, running club, pistol shooting, a sports league): If part of your game problems is not meeting enough new people and not seeing them enough, you can solve this on the Internet in under 30 minutes through meetup.com, craigslist or your local adult education catalog. Pick something you want to do and go do it. And then socialize with those people – don’t try to game anybody, just spend time with a new social circle as a springboard to higher value.

Go to bed early tonight: There have been ruts and dry spells for me that were cured by nothing more than an extra hour of sleep for a few days straight. It’s my contention that Generation Y is constantly underslept. I don’t think I know anyone who was/is doing interesting things with his life who doesn’t have at least itinerant sleep patterns. But it really hurts your body, brain and personality. Shoot for those seven/eight hours a night, and try to get up at the same time every day as consistency in sleep counts for a lot.

Spend less time on the Internet today: Funny for a blogger to say, I know, but often that extra late-night hour reading forums or commenting is just not worth it. Make sure you’re getting out in the fresh air with real people and doing other things you want to do. Also consider leaving your smartphone at home, or activating airplane mode to keep the signals away. I find it quite liberating to unplug for a while, and when I come back there’s always a stack of things to check on so I get an extra surge of novelty anyway.

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33 Comments

Filed under beta guide, la dolce vita, living a good life, living young

33 responses to “Things You Can Do To Up Your Game+Lifestyle Value Right Now

  1. mmaier2112

    I hear you on most if not all of this. I’m just annoyed that even my nicer clothes need replacing because of my weight loss. I hate spending money on clothes anyway but if I lose any more weight, I’ll have to scrap the newest clothes I’ve bought too.

  2. OffTheCuff

    Great summary, especially shaving. Treat yourself to a Genuine Badger shaving brush, ditch the crappy gel for shaving soap, and use real razors.

  3. atholkaymarriedmansexlife

    Thanks for the link love, much appreciated.

    All good stuff on the list. It’s all about increasing your positive daily energy, and that’s sexy.

  4. rock solid, and immediately helpful in a tangible way.

    thank you Sir.

  5. mmaier,

    I also have the problem of losing weight and needing new clothes. I make it a big joke about a First World Problem and having the problem all girls wish they could have.

  6. OTC/Athol,

    I’m a big fan of those badger hair brushes ;)

    “It’s all about increasing your positive daily energy, and that’s sexy.”

    Increasing your positive daily energy, and making it a habit, so that it doesn’t take any extra willpower to do. It’s a bit like sexual fitness – you need game fitness, but you can’t go out PUAing all the time, you need to keep your product value high without having to focus on it constantly.

  7. Very good, Sir. Another suggestion: prep for a date. I learned a long time ago that having “one in the can” ready to go can serve you well, whether you’re married or single. I recommend assembling a small but elegant picnic that doesn’t require refrigeration, something you can tuck into the trunk of your car. A can of olives, a jar of nuts, some dried fruit, some summer sausage, cheese, crackers, a bottle of wine and a couple of glasses. Add a blanket and an appropriate cd, of course, and then pack it away to have the whole thing ready to pull out at a moment’s notice.

    If you’re single, it never hurts to be prepared for a sudden opportunity, and being that prepared looks cool, if you can keep it from looking creepy. If you’re married, a sudden and unexpected detour for a quiet moment alone can get you HUGE Alpha points to an overextended wife.

    Either way, just having it there in the trunk can give you a bit more confidence. I’ve seen guys blow a pick up because the girl unexpectedly agreed to a date and he didn’t have a Plan. Don’t be that guy. Be the guy who says “You’re leaving tomorrow? Join me in a picnic? Or do you find picnics too sexually threatening?”

    I know for a fact that line has worked. Anyway, always be thinking at least two boinks ahead — and proper date prep is essential for any Game and never a waste of effort.

  8. Samuel,

    “immediately helpful in a tangible way.”

    That’s what the post is all about – every dude reading this should pick two of the items they aren’t already doing, and start doing them today. Do them a few days straight and you don’t have to think about doing them anymore.

    The reality of the situation is that every instance of personal growth or self-efficacy starts with a “next action” you can take to get the ball rolling. It’s pointless to worry about the overall picture, just start with the next action and make it happen.

  9. Ian,

    That is a good tip – if not carrying a picnic in a jar around, a guy should have a few stereotyped dates ready for various neighborhoods. One of the many benefits of the location-bouncing “Roosh date” is that it gives the impression that you know the area you are in, a show of expertise and leadership that adds to your cosmopolitan vibe. That combined with good logistics will win a man many opportunities.

    A dude on a date should NEVER adopt the frame of “uh, I don’t know, what do you think sounds good?” or “is this place ok?”

  10. Noeleve

    Mmm, tall, yeah… hard to imagine how we’d be able to keep that one a secret, it’s gotta be hard-wired in or something, I’m not even into that and I’m still into that :)

    This was great. Oh, will you do one for girls Badger, please??

  11. “I’ve seen guys blow a pick up because the girl unexpectedly agreed to a date and he didn’t have a Plan.”

    It reminds me of when I call someone and expect to get the voicemail but they pick up the phone.

  12. “Mmm, tall, yeah… hard to imagine how we’d be able to keep that one a secret, ”

    Glad I fit the bill ;) but seriously, in my first 24 or so years, literally nobody took me aside and said “dude, you’re tall, chicks love that and it can’t be taught. You don’t even have to open your mouth. You’re 50% there already as far as attraction goes, just don’t be scary and you’re good to go.”

    I don’t say this to you specifically…I think a lot of women are truly clueless as to the degree to which men are not taught what women find attractive. Forget the rule about not listening to women, most men are useless as advisors too. Before the Internet, some fortunate guys got the truth from older brothers, cool uncles or other naturals they were lucky enough to know personally. The rest of us were certainly asking, but all we got was a bunch of bros with their hands in their pockets shrugging “well I don’t know man, women are just kind of unpredictable ya know?”

    “This was great. Oh, will you do one for girls Badger, please??”

    That’s an interesting idea. I’d have to think over what the best ones would be. Buy some sundresses would be on there for sure.

  13. Athol,

    Thank YOU for the Omega-3 advice! I went out and bought some the week I read that post, and it’s made a huge difference.

  14. M3

    Excellent list Badge. I would say a majority of these I naturally had happen as a result of working out and gaining muscle mass.

    -the chin up. i no longer felt weak or inferior to others, i stopped drooping my head in submissive form.
    -clothes that fit. shopping for new good fitting clothes and watching reactions of sales women is fun. (am i vain? probably)
    -dumped junk food & sugar when i started workout regimine
    -stand up straight. with a sleeker sexier frame, broader shoulders, i simply became mentally cognizant of my posture and actively wanted to project confidence. same goes for walking.
    -take up more space. i feel more imposing. where before i was a toothpick and tried to disappear in the crowd, now i have a covert, not overt puffer blowfish like mentality. (i do the same thing when im forced to use transit, seat blocking lol.)

    Other parts of the list seemed to naturally spawn from the above changes. Grooming has always been at the top of my list (hell i manscape for the helluvit). I always tidy my dwelling, tho that’s probably a mild case of OCD on my part.

    But i do have to thank you for your previous post on doing everything slower. It helped me so much. I used to be a spaz, thinking my speed was ‘being efficient’. Doing everything slower has done me wonders. My walking is measured and purposeful, not frenetic. My responses are measured and thought out, not reactive or blurted. Even my speech pattern, slower lower deeper, rather than high pitched hyper. Every movement i make has purpose. All these things just add so much to holding the frame Yohami helped me to discover. Slowing down gives you time to think instead of react.

    I haven’t had cable in over 4 years. TV (with exception of Stewart/Colbert) is certain death for brain cells. I’m on the internet all day due to work so i rarely need it after the fact. And i’m planning on joining volunteer work positions to give back to the community. I’m a natural giver and will probably derive much happiness from helping those who really need it.

    Things i still need to improve on. Going to bed early. Don’t know why, but my brain fails to turn off at the right time. So i watch a movie until i fall asleep which is usually 2-3 hours past midnight. The other is reading. Don’t get me wrong, i love reading, but about a very limited subject matter. Political crap. I find it very hard to get into fiction of any kind. I LOVED reading Lord of the Rings, but only after having watched the Fellowship in theatres and wanting to know what happened next.

    I will have to take your advice on the fish oil. Any extra boost i can get would be awesome. Need to find non stinky variety,

  15. I appreciate the link love. I’ve got some older posts about dressing better. The key is to dress one level above all the other guys in a particular scene.

  16. Tanner

    There’s one important aspect of fit I see most men still making mistakes with. Pay attention to the length of your pants. If they’re too long, they look awful. You don’t want them bunching up around your ankles. A slight break or no break is ideal.

  17. OffTheCuff

    Generalizing the thing about your height: you want to embrace your best natural attributes. Two personal examples from me.

    Hair… mine grows fast and thick, even at 40, my hairline is intact with no grays. I used to cut it very short and use gel, but my hair didn’t like to do that. I’d also shave daily, despite ingrown hairs. Now i highlight what I have, which means collar-length hair, and sporting some shadow alternating days.

    My shoulders are quite wide (44″ with a 32″ waist) and somehow I learned to hunch over, to keep my chest from poking out too much. Good posture and working out has fixed that.

    It’s amazing how we sometimes are tricked into hiding our best attributes.

  18. M3,

    Glad to hear that going slower has helped. It certainly helped me. People really respond to someone who is deliberate. Check out Athol’s post about fish oil I linked, I’ve used the brand he pictures and it’s not smelly at all.

  19. Some thoughts.

    Great summary. And most of the advice is good for life in general, regardless of whether you want to get laid.

    Boy it’s hard to find clothes that fit. And the search itself takes so damn long. I don’t understand why women enjoy shopping.

    Again with the tallness fetish, ladies? Sigh. I guess what bugs me about this subject (women insisting on men being tall) is that your Height is just about the one physical attribute that…you…cannot…change…ever.* Fat chicks at least can lose the weight, but what diet, what workout plan, could add a single millimeter to your height? (yeah, you guessed it, I’m not tall, unless I move to East Asia).

    * Unless you get some very expensive surgery

  20. M3

    Inlone,

    I’ve heard disturbing reports of men in the U.K. who are now wearing (and fashion trend catching on) heels. And im not talking about platform shoes, but ACTUAL heels.

    This is what we’re being reduced to. I say f*ck it, go your own way.

    As for clothes that fit, find one or two retailers and build a report with the sales staff (specially if full of cute sales ladies). I have quite a bit of fun trying on multiple pairs of jeans or shirts, so long as i quiz them about how it looks on me. Once you notice the sparkle in their eye, that’s what you want to buy. My sense of fashion has always sucked, so now i leave it in the capable hands of the sales staff. Also provides a great opportunity to flirt and spit some game without any serious repercussions, they want the sale lol!

    Also, you could always get a close lady friend to go with you too. Nothing felt better than having my lady friend (now de-friendzoned) fitting me with outfits and getting ‘hands on’ to adjust every crease to make sure the clothes made the man. Went through 5 pairs of shirts and vests before i got the ‘bingo’ thumbs up, and a pleasant experience was had by all ;)

  21. Inlone,

    There’s a number of different things going on. There are a lot of women for whom height is a bonus, an extra attraction icing and not a deal-maker/deal-breaker. In the same way that to us guys, a woman with D boobs is more attractive than the same woman with B boobs.

    There’s really no sense getting worked up over what’s attractive to women in this sense – certain guys are going to be more attractive than others, and that goes both ways.

    What IS pretty silly, and worthy of our contempt, is true “height fetishism” – women who say they won’t consider dating a guy who is below 6’/5’10″/taller than her in heels/whatever their magic margin is. It’s a combination of hypergamy – the exclusive desire for the very best – and intrasexual competition, the desire to flaunt at your friends a man better than anyone they have.

    I knew of a short woman who intensely flirted and hooked up with tall guys to stick it to her tall roommate, under the idea that every tall guy she banged took away a prospect from the taller girl.

    What’s funny is that most of the women I HEAR saying this are women who don’t have a lot of options. In some cases, they have almost none. So they have demonstrated malignant hypergamy by their actions – they would rather be single than “settle,” and this plays out in their lives as they go through large portions of their 20’s single as the few tall guys they know are dating girls who are hotten, more pleasant or both. (Think about the general personality of someone who has such high “standards” – it ain’t pretty.)

    Hot women who have lots of options are often SEEN dating guys taller than them – I’ve never taken enough data on the street to see if they are dating superlatively tall men exclusively. But the women with fewer options seem to bleat aloud that they have STANDARDS! so as to give us all the impression that they have lots of suitors they have the luxury of rejecting in their search for the perfect specimen. It’s a variation on calling the guys who hit on you creepy in order to telegraph that guys are hitting on you at all.

    My advice on any negative trait is to not engage women who hold that trait dear. Almost every guy has something that some women will not be able to get past. This goes for guys who are short, fat, skinny, bald, introverted, don’t work a “cool” job, live in the suburbs, are a certain race, etc.

    Them screening you out is a feature, not a bug – they leave you free to meet other people.

  22. M3, I want to hear about you de-friendzoning this girl.

  23. Blues

    “Start taking Omega-3 fish oil: Originally on the advice of Athol Kay, I’ve been taking between 2000 and 3000 mg per day for about the last 18 months.”

    Ok, question: how do you take 2000~3000 Mg per day of fish oil? from Athol’s post the bottle in the picture says 1200 mg and 100+ softgels so that would mean you’re taking 100+ softgels a day? i’m guessing this is a typo but just to make sure.

  24. Blues,

    I think you are misreading my numbers in grams, they are in milligrams (and are marked as so). 1200mg = 1.2 grams.

    3 pills x 1200mg per pill = 3600mg, a strong daily dose. Sometimes I get a bottle of 1000mg gels (2-3 gels per day), it just depends what’s on sale.

  25. M3

    “M3, I want to hear about you de-friendzoning this girl.”

    LOL. This will make the second girl i broke the friendzone with, true story! :)

    I just realized i was going to obliterate your comment section with a super long comment so i’m going to email you the full story shortly and you can feel free to put up any nuggets of wisdom i might accidentally have stumbled upon.

  26. Blues

    @Badger: Ah, that makes sense, i thought the whole bottle = 1000 mg making each softgel 100mg, in actuality it’s 1000mg per softgel, guess you learn something new everyday.

    As for how it works, i might have a theory, basically its the omega 3 adding to the weight training. Roissy* made a post about 6+ months ago recommending weight training over cardio to up the testosterone, basically more muscle = more testosterone, add the fact that omega 3 improves muscle gain and fat loss** and it makes sense.

    *http://heartiste.wordpress.com/2011/05/03/the-testosterone-guide/
    **http://www.bakadesuyo.com/is-there-really-a-safe-over-the-counter-pill

  27. Blues

    edit: the whole bottle = 1000 mg making each softgel 10mg

  28. *Oh, will you do one for girls Badger, please??*

    Thanks for the post, alot of good info for the men. It, along with a comment from Noeleve above, inspired me to post my own list for the girls on my blog. Thought I’d share it.

  29. Pingback: Feet and Knees Together | Feet and Knees Together

  30. Pingback: Athol Kay’s Male Health Advice Is Cash Money | The Badger Hut

  31. Pingback: Fischöl, ein Wundermittel für die Männlichkeit? « mannbibel

  32. Can you explain how one would do “the Iguana”? The blog post you linked to is now dead and I’m curious to what it was.

  33. Warhol – the Iguana move means to tip your head upward, rather than downward, when making eye contact and greeting someone. There was a study or something showing that people who did the upward tic were perceived as more socially dominant. Thinking anecdotally, the guys I knew who did this instinctively were highly confident guys, whereas dudes who did the downward tic were signalling deference and collegiality.

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