Reader Poll: Help Get This Guy A New Handle

In a recent post, Danny fielded a reader email from a British college student in his early 20’s, trying to recover from a period of self-rejection, struggling with the mores and expectations of the college sexual marketplace and debating if he should jump in to the hookup pool to lose his virginity and gain experience with the opposite sex.

Myself, OffTheCuff and even Susan Walsh recommend that he go ahead and take it as far as he can with one of these girls who are approaching him. Almost all relationships these days begin sexually, especially in college. Our society on both sides of the pond demands short-term personal and sexual connection (“spark”) before we start talking about serious relationship commitment. It’s not that I defend it or condone it, but I accept it; being sexually forward is a far more effective means of moving things along than having a coffee chat about your hopes and dreams and what you want in a mate.

He’s very concerned about inadvertently pumping and dumping a woman who might be angling for a LTR and “ruining” her. I think this fear is way overblown among college beta males, and I say that as someone who felt exactly that way and passed up a lot of opportunities for fun from women who were looking for just that, because I was all white-knighty about “what if she gets hurt” and also holding out for a very serious type of relationship that at the time was an unrealistic expectation.

OTC and I specifically advised he not assume every woman who shows interest is looking to lock him down for life. Almost all young women will say they want to have a relationship in the abstract, but you keep asking questions and a lot of them will admit they want a relationship in the same way they want a house with a yard; it’s a big life goal, but one that they don’t expect to happen by the next semester. Or they want a relationship that doesn’t involve any disruption to their current lifestyle and schedule, which is more like commitment-phobic lifestyle accessorizing than actually connecting your life to another person. Some of them will even openly cop to a “I want to have fun now and settle down later” life plan. Which is fine; college students are usually young and stupid as a rule (I was), and you don’t get past that without trying some things out and at least trying to enjoy yourself.

I’ve come out several times against the sexual free-for-all that describes much of modern hookup culture. That doesn’t mean I’m a puritan or a scold. For every person ruined by unalloyed casual sex there’s probably another one who was so intimidated and put off by the whole thing they never dipped their toe in the pool at all, communicated to the ones they liked or took the risk that is part of what makes good relationships so rewarding. And I’m sure many of my readers would admit that if we’d all married our college SOs we’d be a lot worse off.

READER POLL

We got sidetracked in the thread by his original handle, “a budding pimp.” I thought it showed a great sense of brash confidence, of a guy who was ready to make changes in his life to become an assertive and efficacious individual, and it was obviously tongue-in-cheek as his writings make clear that he’s not seeking silverback status.

Danny was not as amused and told him to “choose another handle, lol.”

In a rather beta move, ABP followed Danny’s orders and reappeared as “Anotherboringguy.” I cringed. Self-deprecation can work for one’s game, but is a low-status play for any guy who isn’t already ridiculously confident; it telegraphs an attitude of poor self-worth that will shirley leak out in his personal interactions. Every time he types in “boring” to post on a blog the hobgoblins of his mind will internally reinforce that message.

So my question to the readers: pick a better name. Should he go back to a budding pimp? TamingTheTosser? LevantineLothario? Mr Robinson? Somebody help me out here, a dude’s well-being is on the line.

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22 Comments

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22 responses to “Reader Poll: Help Get This Guy A New Handle

  1. I read that post and I also went to university in England for a year. Educated British guys tend not to be over-confident or at least express it outwardly. The only British guys with swagger who I met were the working class type of guys.

    His handle can’t be too self-celebratory. Hmmmmm, this is a tough one.

  2. LeapofaBeta

    LoverLost could play to both the beta and alpha parts of being a lover in search of something. I also am a sucker for Alliteration.

    I had a couple more, but then when I typed them out they all seemed trite and horrible. If my brain comes up with anything else during the day, I’ll come back

  3. TPM,

    That’s why I liked a budding pimp – it was so over-the-top by British standards no one would take it too seriously.

    “The only British guys with swagger who I met were the working class type of guys.”

    I get the idea that’s old hat in British society, and it certainly seems to hold true in America – a few of the tingle-generating ideal men are cops, firemen, paramedics and uniformed military. Our white-collar guys are thoroughly betatized, save for the sliver of real movers and shakers (educated alphas).

    Construction workers and plumbers have a rep for being low-class in a bad way but I know a few who get plenty of tail.

  4. danny didn’t like “a budding pimp”??

    danny, are you getting soft on me there, stud?

  5. LeapofaBeta,

    Thanks for stopping by! Unfortunately there is already a lovelost commenting at HUS.

  6. johnnymilfquest

    “A Budding Pimp”?

    That’s a fantastic handle for an Englishman. Its swagger (Pimp) and self-deprecation (budding = not quite there yet) at same time!

    “Another boring guy” was a snarky way of saying “up yours” to people who thought he should change his handle.

    Since PrivateMan has designated me as the resident tosser of manosphere, “TamingTheTosser” makes him sound like someone who would troll my blog.

  7. KiaW

    There is a brief moment when a guy does have a bit of an advantage in at least the college SMP: senior year of undergrad. That time can open up lots of options before you get off into the real world/grad school and sink back to the bottom again. I’d recommend making the most of that time to get experience when you’re at a relative high–I was getting many IOIs from the freshmen/sophomore girls especially, but lacked the knowledge to fully capitalize.

    Recommending he lose the v-card any way possible? Not so sure it would help. Virginity is as important as an individual makes it to be. Letting it affect you so much means you’ve got other problems that having sex can’t cure.

    This leads to a closing question: how much “inner game” is dependent on external validation (i.e. interactions with women) and how much can be controlled by internal action (i.e. physical fitness, mental confidence, right frame, etc.)?

  8. i thought “abuddingpimp” was a tad too ridiculous considering his not wanting to be a ONS king, he thought it was funny. DEFINITELY a brit. HOWEVER…..

    when i saw the new name, i got douchechills, going from one extreme to another. *sigh*

  9. flyfreshandyoung

    “BossManPimpDaddyMackAlpha”

  10. I shouldn’t have said “any way possible”, which can imply neediness. Think of it more as “when it falls in your lap, don’t turn it down”.

  11. johnnymilfquest

    As soon as I saw the word “Pimp” I thought of “Iceberg Slim”. But I vaguely recall that someone already uses that comment handle on the manosphere.

    flyfreshandyoung wrote:

    “BossManPimpDaddyMackAlpha”

    Keep that handle in your back pocket for the next time a girl that you’re shagging discovers your blog.

  12. I failed to pass boss Danny’s shit test. He got the douchechills.

    I will not fail yours Badger . I WILL NOT.

    If I did I’d take FFY’s invention.
    Johnny MQ nailed it at 2:34 .

    Merry Christmas.

  13. ABG-
    “boss Danny”, shut up. lol. who the hell am i? seriously.
    i just thought you went a little too far right, then went aaaaaaaall the way left. i’m a middle road guy.

    HO-HO-HO Ya’ll

  14. Candide

    I vote for a new handle that has nothing to do with seducing women. Maybe some other thing that he’s passionate about and/or good at.

  15. Pingback: A Budding Blogger? « Johnny Milfquest's Horn of Plenty

  16. johnnymilfquest

    @Candide: Gay.

    ABP didn’t come to the manosphere to talk about his hobbies, his studies or his career. He came here to talk specifically about girls.

  17. Pingback: What’s in a name? « dannyfrom504

  18. Candide

    Yet most people who are best with women in the manosphere (Roissy aside, and even that requires knowledge of French cinema) have an alias that has nothing to do with seducing women.

    Getting an alias with lame shit like pimp or mack or whatever in it will enforce a try-hard mentality in this bloke. Very much anti-game.

  19. I respectfully disagree with johnny and concur with Candide. While I like ABP for its over-top-top ironic brash, if he’s not going to use that he should pick one that has nothing to do with game, women or virginity.

    I will proffer myself as an example. My handle and blog motif have nothing to do with game or girls. It’s a platform for me to talk about things that interest me and that I think will interest the readers. I’ve gotten heartening feedback from readers that they enjoy the fact that I write about more than women.

    I’m just an underground musteloid trying to make it in this crazy world.

  20. ABG: I personally liked “a budding pimp” better. However, I feel that the real issue wasn’t what you chose for your name, but the fact that on Danny’s blog you changed your name back and forth based on the suggestions of other posters on the comment thread. People aren’t always going to like what you do, but that doesn’t mean you should change just to fit into the mold they form for you.

  21. Badger-
    i posted on the blog owned of the individual i mentioned last night. and much to my surprise *rolls eyes* it’s been deleted.

    insert laugh……….HERE. told you bro.

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