The Path Forward for the Sexual Marketplace

It’s beyond obvious that the sexual marketplace is warped beyond belief. The ability of most young people (a group I care about because I’m one of them) to get what they want, particularly in the longer term, is crippled. Some hedonists – a particular brand of pickup artist, and sex-poz feminists – have celebrated this anarchy as a time of unparalleled enjoyment. The rest of us are induced one way or another into acting out the principle of least interest, striving to not be a sucker – not wanting to turn out for practice until we get to play on a winning team.

In discussion with a reader, I sketched out a number of steps forward from the status quo.

1. Acknowledge real sex differences and the manners of attraction and commitment for both sides (analytical game)

2. Teach women how to be aware of their attraction switches, and the consequences of following them in the modern open marketplace

3. Teach men how to have some game – to take their natural traits and “sharpen” them, and at the same time avoid betatizing, friend-zoning behaviors

4. Teach women about opportunity costs, how to initiate and that they have a finite window – so they don’t end up spinning for decades like Kate Bolick.

5. Teach young people how to have sane, structured young adult lives that prepare them well for the future so they don’t reach age 30 living the same way they did when they were 22 (my blog, among others)

The really difficult part is that they all have to happen in concert, and starting at a young age, or we wind up with a classic prisoner’s dilemma where one side is incentivized to trick the other into making the first sacrifice and then never following through.

About these ads

24 Comments

Filed under beta guide, girl guide, original research

24 responses to “The Path Forward for the Sexual Marketplace

  1. deti

    A fantastic start. Let me humbly add my two cents:

    6. Decide what you want from your relationships, and then tailor a plan to get you to that point.

    Does a young woman want to marry and have children? There are certain things she can do to get her there. She needs to be taught the cost-benefit analysis of that decision, and that marriage isn’t always a rose garden. Does a young man want children? The best vehicle for that is marriage, and he needs a dose of Athol Kay. Does a young man know he never wants marriage or children? He might consider a vasectomy when he’s in his 30s. Does he want rich variety in his relationships? He needs to step up his game. Send him to Roissy/Heartiste.

  2. Opus

    As it is a game of Prisoner’s Dilemma and not Prisoner’s Delight, then the the optimum response must be to play Hawk, constantly: even Tit for Tat won’t work, (seeing it may be a one shot game); one must thus play Grim.

  3. zhai2nan2

    Of course, any attempt at social reform would tend to be hampered by major breakdowns in Western civilization.

    If there are tanks in the streets and tear gassed rioters running for cover, you won’t get much attention.

    Likewise, if the people don’t have 2000 calories a day, they’re not going to listen.

    This may be a non-issue in the USA at the moment, but places like Greece look pretty shaky.

  4. That’s basically how I got to where I am today. That and some crazy luck.

    One issue for women is the way dating works today. A woman can go through steps 1 to 5, minus 3, plus 6 from deti, and still never really find love. Dating is just too short of a time to let attraction grow naturally. I was distantly aquainted with my husband for several weeks before I developed a crush on him and then started really getting to know him. Modern dating rarely allows this kind of “slow burn” to build up to love. I don’t think women really even know that this is how they fall in love either.

  5. Pingback: WHAT’S THE FUTURE OF THE SEXUAL MARKETPLACE?

  6. It would be enlightening to use the power of the internet to perform a pair-wise assessment of all the possible couplings of males and females. I suppose we could do this on a small scale first.

    The object would be to get everyone to grade everyone in their group for “market value”. You could learn all kinds of stuff from such an experiment. For one thing, you could confirm if there is even a sexual market value for more than a small percentage of people who play that game.

  7. The Geographer

    Good point, but the Prisoner’s Dilemma doesn’t involve trickery. It’s just that both parties have no incentive to trust each other so the equilibrium is for bilateral defection.

  8. Anonymous Reader

    Step one may be the most important, however a lot of feminists will screech endlessly because it undermines one of their basic premises. So it’s a major fight from the start with a lot of women.

    Somewhere in that list, maybe as 1a, you might want to include something like “people need to come to terms with owning their mistakes, being fully responsible for their actions”. Adults think before they speak. Adult human beings admit when they have wronged or harmed someone else. Adult human beings don’t go out of their way to deliberately hurt someone else, unless they are one of the tiny minority of sociopaths in which case everyone should avoid them like the plague they are.

    There is a definite shortage of adults, and not just in any particular age bracket, either (baby boomers, I’m lookin’ at you, too…).

  9. Great post Hermano.

    The only problem I see is that this requires people (men and women) to take risks and actually work. The journey of a 1000 miles in a sense. Getting people to make the first step can often be pretty difficult.

    #5 made me el-oh-el.

  10. Deti-
    Very good points (as always). Build a foundation for your expectations then study at the appropriate site.

  11. johnnymilfquest

    Badger wrote:

    “5. Teach young people how to have sane, structured young adult lives that prepare them well for the future so they don’t reach age 30 living the same way they did when they were 22 (my blog, among others)”

    I’m basically the same man at 38 that was at 28 or 18. Apart from 20 years of life experience and the ageing process I haven’t changed much as a person.

    “The really difficult part is that they all have to happen in concert, and starting at a young age, or we wind up with a classic prisoner’s dilemma where one side is incentivized to trick the other into making the first sacrifice and then never following through.”

    I don’t see why that should be the case. When I think of the SMP I’m always reminded of Proverbs 27:17.

    “Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend.”

  12. Ribbon Butterfly

    Funny, I think #5 is the easy one. But then again, I *am* a young adult, so maybe I don’t have #5 as put together as I thought. :/ How unsettling a thought.

  13. Candide

    The path forward is a ride to the bottom of the pit. Enjoy.

  14. chris5050

    “4. Teach women about opportunity costs, how to initiate and that they have a finite window – so they don’t end up spinning for decades like Kate Bolick.”
    Cannot agree more with the finite window. One of my previous girlfriend’s has a very small window, give her 10 more years and she’ll be half the lady she is now. I hope she realises this to not further disilussion herself.

  15. Ceer

    I’ve been thinking something like this for a long time. Society’s default should be getting together and knowing someone you’ve already met through some other means. Not what it seems today…filter and dump anyone that does not attract you at that moment. My biggest issue is how young women are not trained, go with their instincts, make a mess of the dating market, and somehow it’s the men’s fault.

    Feminism for a long time has dedicated itself to removing responsibilities for women. This unfortunately includes a lot of training involving personal choices that intelligent families made sure to include in their traditions. The tactic against this was to shame them into allowing family more “freedom”, ignoring the fact that freedom done irresponsibly is a recipe for loosing freedom. Many women are in the unenviable position of having to rely on instinct, and that instinct is failing them.

    The answer, like relationships themselves will come from both men and women working together. It will involve responsibility and compromise on both sides. The annoying part is that when feminists discover this, they will pretend that this is what they have always wanted…ignoring the damage they caused.

  16. It is now time to study some recent social history. I recently posted this as a comment on Roosh’s blog:

    This isn’t new. In the 1970s before AIDS and herpes, there was tremendous emotional dissatisfaction with the dating scene. There was lots of bed hopping and alpha men cleaned up with the new sexually liberated generation of young women.

    This was the era of the “zipless fuck” and Erica Jong’s book, Fear of Flying. The Baby Boomers were getting their grove on yet there was a lot of hand-wringing because of the lack of emotional commitment going on.

    But with herpes, then AIDs, and the Baby Boomers getting older, the singles scene quieted down a bit leaving people like me just coming of age in a curious moment in our society’s sexual landscape. We wanted the sexual freedom but were scared shitless.

    We’ve returned to a 1970s era-style of sexual behavior.

  17. This post reflects a hopefulness that I really like. You’ve sketched out a very ambitious plan here, but you are on the front lines trying to make it happen. Based on the reports we’re getting from readers I would say we are close to a tipping point. Most guys are familiar with Game, and we hear reports of guys acting as Impostor Assholes to get a relationship. Women are speaking out against NSA sex as some sort of cultural ideal. Change is in the air.

  18. Ceer

    @Susan

    Perhaps you’re reading too much into the men who come on your blog. I’d wager they’re not exactly representative of men. Imo, we still have far to go. We’re not near the tipping point, but I think we can get there.

  19. johnnymilfquest

    Susan wrote:

    “Most guys are familiar with Game…”

    Yeah. “Compliment & Cuddle” game. They still haven’t taken the Red Pill. Even the men who have taken the Red Pill aren’t necessarily running tight Game. Theory has to be put into practice,

    “…and we hear reports of guys acting as Impostor Assholes to get a relationship.”

    So if a frumpy young college girl makes flirty conversation with some strapping square-jawed athlete and he *acts like an arsehole* around her, it must be because he’s in love with her right?

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Confirmation_bias

  20. Hope,

    “Dating is just too short of a time to let attraction grow naturally. I was distantly aquainted with my husband for several weeks before I developed a crush on him and then started really getting to know him. Modern dating rarely allows this kind of “slow burn” to build up to love. I don’t think women really even know that this is how they fall in love either.”

    This is an excellent point, and indicates the sort of fallacies people operate under when dating.

    Women on the ground demand instant attraction and “chemistry,” which puts most men out on their ears before the first date is over. Meanwhile guys are asking for sex earlier and earlier, on the idea that if he doesn’t get her to put out he’s a chump because she’s probably done that with someone else. (In fairness to him, a lot of them have.) So we have this accelerating pair of interlocking mores that is ultimately destructive to their final aims.

    privateman,

    I think people of my generation never really knew how promiscuous (and emotionally risky) the 70′s were. AIDS played a big part in the whitewash, and our boomer parents helped sweep that under the rug for fear of their own shame.

    Susan,

    “Based on the reports we’re getting from readers I would say we are close to a tipping point.”

    Tipping point to where is the big question. It could easily descend into nihilism as it could into constructive blowblack. It’s pretty clear that the next generation is going to have a lot of bachelors and spinsters. The mouthpieces of the urban female cohort is shreiking and screaming there aren’t enough husbands (Kay Hymowitz, Penny Nance, Bill Bennett). Guys are just plain opting out, as Dalrock points out they have no motivation to develop as beta-trait husband-ready men if they aren’t getting any attention from women until their mid-20′s.

    Johnny M makes a very good point that true “game” has not really gone mainstream. What we ARE seeing in the mainstream is a sort of organic, federalized game where guys see what works and crudely imiate it, and because hypergamy is so intense these days, they take their examples from, to use Susan’s phrase,”total douchebag domination.” Like a girl? Start by ignoring her. That’s easy to observe, but without a true game baseline a guy has no idea why it works or when he can flip the switch. And of course, this is combined with an ever-growing exasperation with women as a whole (a result of the flaking, sluttitude, misandry, etc) that is going to drive a lot of men off the market voluntarily.

  21. Most men are not familiar with game, either naturally or learned. If we came up with a multiple-choice quiz that posited situations and didn’t use any game terminology, I bet the failure rate would be about 80%. Like this:

    You are at a party with your girlfriend or wife. After a few drinks, you playfully slap her on the ass, surprising her as she walks through the kitchen. While people weren’t watching you directly, people were in the room and probably noticed peripherally. What’s her reaction?

    A. Giggles, makes a “whoop” sound, and maybe says “stop!” playfully. Later, you both sneak off into the bathroom.
    B. Looks totally confused, maybe mortified. She pretends it didn’t happen.
    C. Glares at you. You are in trou-ble when you get home.
    D. Calls the police, and gets the neighbor to restrain you until they arrive.

    How many people would get A?

  22. Stargate Girl

    You would get an “A” OTC.

    [I'm sure he would.]

  23. My argument is that you’d need institutions. That’s the only thing that gets it done.

  24. Pingback: Happy Birthday to the Badger Hut, Part 2: Best Posts | The Badger Hut

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s