Crazy Girlfriends and Spengler’s Law

Spengler’s Universal Law of Gender Parity is an exceedingly useful principle in social analysis and has been broadly cited in the Manosphere (Ferdinand Bardamu loves it, for one). First outlined in a 2004 Asia Times column, it goes as follows:

In every corner of the world and in every epoch of history, the men and women of every culture deserve each other.

It’s usually a strong rejoinder to plaintive cries of “where have all the good men gone?

It was at the forefront of my mind when The Private Man posted about a website called My Crazy Girlfriend, (subtitled “a support group of sorts.”) As you might imagine, the site collects “funny and shocking stories” of female indiscretions. Such as:

On our second date my girlfriend almost made the waiter cry for taking so long in getting to our table. He apologized over and over again and said they were short staffed and he had double the amount of tables as usual but she didn’t really show much mercy. After she ordered and he left I looked over at her and she kind of laughs and says “wow, I’m such a bitch when I’m hungry, sorry about that.”

My girlfriend and I were running some errands in my car a couple of months ago. After lunch I felt like I had some food stuck in my teeth so I kept looking in the rear-view to see if I had gotten it with my numerous attempts. All of a sudden my girlfriend rips the rear-view mirror off the front windshield and say to “quit making it so fucking obvious.” Apparently she saw me looking in the mirror and turned around to see a women in the car behind us and naturally assumed I kept looking back at her.

On a recent trip to Washington state my girlfriend was so fed up with the lack of vegetarian options on the menu that she left the restaurant we were at (with a group of eight people btw) to go nearby to a Whole Foods to get a beefless patty that she brought back to the restaurant and asked the waiter to have the kitchen prepare for her. They can’t prepare outside food so she ended up with a raw beefless patty in a bag. She ordered one of the vegan menu items eventually. We’ve called her Beefless in Seattle since the trip, which she hates.

Let’s be straight about this: these girls may be crazy, but these guys are whipped. As shocking as the stories is the fact that the website isn’t called “My Crazy Ex-Girlfriend.” Guys are staying with girls, it’s classic Spengler – we have a society where men are generally weak, so a significant subset of women have been conditioned to act like this though a lifetime of suitors and boyfriends not saying “no.”  Men who haven’t been taught that their personal dignity is more important than when and where their next lay is coming from (and that having some personal dignity and the willingness to walk away is more effective in getting future lays than being a supplicating doormat).

Like this guy:

I dated a girl off and on for a while, and she was definitely a little crazy and obsessive. I reluctantly allowed her to move into my two-bedroom apartment, and eventually I found myself feeling stuck in a relationship I didn’t want to be in and completely trapped. I met this other girl who I decided to leave my current girlfriend for. When I broke the news, she asked me to leave – my own apartment! – and so I obliged by staying at a friend’s next door for a few days while she packed her things. I came home a few days later to a completely empty house. Most of the furniture was gone, my Xbox and even my cat, which didn’t make sense since she moved back with her mother, who had a dog. The litter box was dumped everywhere and the place was a mess. Things just got worse from there. When she found out that I was seeing someone new, she had apparently called in a popular radio station in my city, which had a segment dedicated to fans being allowed to pick five songs and intro them like a radio host. She publicly trashed my name on the airs and picked songs about asshole guys doing terrible things. She also verbally harassed and threatened my new girlfriend repeatedly. Also, we went to a bar she frequented and knew the owner of, and my girlfriend’s winter coat and car keys go missing from the coat check area. I heard she laughed about it when she ‘found out’…

This story should just never had happened – if the guy had had enough stones to not date a crazy woman once he found out she was like that. From that point on, every step in the story is predictable. My thoughts on cohabitation are complicated, but they include don’t cohabit with an “off and on” girlfriend. Another would be don’t leave your property just because your love-in roommate asks you to. (Also don’t go places where your angry ex-girlfriend knows the management.)

Or how about this one:

Basically, tonight we had an argument about reddit, to my understanding I always thought that reddit had no porn at all. But believe it or not…… It does and she preceded by linking me with 5 tabs of porn from reddit. Then she hangs up on me.
The funny thing is, I try to call her back, but she has stubbornly called some other guy that used to like her. We’ve had fights over this guy countless times, actually she’s still on the phone with him now, it’s been 4 hours, i’m actually not sure whether it’s him. It could be some other guy that used to like her.
But i texted her a couple times telling her sorry and obviously showing my anger, but towards the end i just felt like absolute shit, i can’t deal with her anymore, i’ve asked her before if she could not call guys when we have a fight, but y’know she always does.

I’m sorry, this doesn’t really show her crazy-ness yet.

Basically, all this is my fault, she has reacted by ignoring me and threatening to dump me because I thought reddit had no porn. I told her earlier that today wasn’t exactly the best i’ve been all week either, but nah, she is much more important.

Now I have to wait for her to call me and do the ritual, i am sorry.
If she doesn’t call me then ritual no.2 go to her house to plead forgiveness.

It appears that she thinks he’s looking at porn and lying about it. His answer to her anger is to show high reactivity and to chase her while she tries to make him jealous by talking to other guys (obviously it’s working). If she doesn’t cool off he’s going to beg for forgiveness.

That sound you hear is the collective facepalming of the Badger Hut readership. Fortunately, we’re not the only ones – here are some comments from the site:

“Fucking seriously? You put up with this bullshit, there is a girl out there for you that won’t freak out like out this. Source: Married for 10 years to a woman that is actually decent.”

“Sounds like you are a walk over and she is a tw@ / Just both idiots”

“i’m a girl and can assure you that your gf is not normal – she is just a bitch-robot – get rid of her and find a someone who treats you like a human, not garbage”

Don’t date these girls. Don’t be these guys.

Spengler lives.

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40 Comments

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40 responses to “Crazy Girlfriends and Spengler’s Law

  1. Arch

    The site should be called “The Case for Ghosting.”

  2. the amount of douche chills i got wile reading these examples makes me ill. i don’t wether to feel sorry for, or be disgusted by these guys. probably both.

    and you know what, i’d be willing to bet these girls WANT to be called out. they’d LOVE IT if a guy took some control and told them to stop being so ridiculous.

  3. I agree with dannyfrom504. Reddit guy especially could have gone for a classic agree and amplify. “Reddit has porn? Sweet. I’m tired of my normal sources. Let’s check out what you’ve found.”

    It’s sickening that these yahoos are apologizing for their girlfriends’ imaginations. I completely believe in apologizing for actual wrongs, but apologizing for defending yourself against shit she imagined is pitiful

  4. Spengler’s Law: does this only apply culture-wide? Or on an individual basis as well?

  5. My Name Is Jim

    About three days ago wrote a post to mycrazygirlfriend saying the whole site is full of guys who just need to dump their girlfriends. Hasn’t shown up of course.

    I’m sure some of these guys are whipped but others just enjoy the drama. It’s like watching a circus to them. My younger brother was lile that and now the woman he’s with is a bitch. Seversl times they’ve been on the brink of divorce and my wife snd I think they just need to go ahead and do it.

  6. johnnymilfquest

    Good post Badger.

    Although, I have to take issue what the married reddit user said:

    “Fucking seriously? You put up with this bullshit, there is a girl out there for you that won’t freak out like out this. Source: Married for 10 years to a woman that is actually decent.”

    I’m pleased that he has such an awesome wife, but to generalise from that and pretend that assertiveness alone will draw such a woman into the average chump’s life is nonsense.

    Game will not turn a bitch into a princess. She’ll just be a more manageable bitch. I learned that the hard way with my ex.

    Its been over a month now since I’ve had sex and I finally understand why I did all the stupid beta shit that I used to do. For the majority of men the choice is pretty stark.

    1. No sex.
    2. Sex in a relationship with a bitch.

    One night stands or hook ups are not an option for most men. This is due to either due to a lack of Game, shitty logistics or both.

    I’m still a PUA noob right now. I may get some tail. I might not, but the romantic illusions have been purged forever.

  7. detinennui32

    @Badger: I went to mycrazygirlfriend when PM posted on it. That is some seriously f’d up stuff. Good fisking.

    @danny: you are right. But you know, so is JohnnyMilf. Looking back on my four year trainwreck, I know why I put up with it: I honestly believed it was either her or nothing. It’s either this total fitness testing bitch who’s making my life miserable but who will have sex with me sometimes; or it’s no sex at all. Had I known then what I know now, that relationship would have been over in four weeks, not four years.

  8. Danny,

    “and you know what, i’d be willing to bet these girls WANT to be called out. they’d LOVE IT if a guy took some control and told them to stop being so ridiculous.”

    Without a doubt.

    Johnny,

    “I’m pleased that he has such an awesome wife, but to generalise from that and pretend that assertiveness alone will draw such a woman into the average chump’s life is nonsense.”

    I don’t see him anywhere saying that assertiveness will fix a woman. It will keep him from associating with nasty women – and not in a game-her-into-being-better way, in a you-won’t-waste-your-opportunity-cost way. He’s telling the poster to DTB and find a woman who isn’t going to do this.

  9. Rusty

    Pretty much every post I read on that site makes me feel ill – partially because I recognise the way I used to be in so many of them…

    Incidentally, that reddit one is the one where I caved and had to reply to the idiot. I tried to be nice about it, since a couple of people (as you’ve quoted) were rather more forceful…

  10. Rusty

    “Spengler’s Law: does this only apply culture-wide? Or on an individual basis as well?”

    I’d anecdotally suggest that it applies individually – looking at the dating history of a lot of my friends (male and female). Patterns, patterns and more patterns

  11. Scott/Rusty,

    Sometimes it doesn’t apply anecdotally; good people become collateral damage in the SMP. The point of the law is to explain big-picture SMP dysfunction by noting that members of each gender bear some responsibility.

  12. Rusty

    “good people become collateral damage in the SMP”

    That, in itself, could be a good example of how it *can* apply on an individual level – take the nice guy who gets burned one too many times, finds Roissy & Roosh, becomes a player… and is now the asshole. Or the innocent girl who falls completely for a player, gets pumped’n’dumped, and forever raises bitch shields against future nice guys as a result.

    I completely agree that the law cannot and does not apply to all relationships – any attempt to apply a general law to individual circumstances is ridiculous and destined to fail. But the overall SMP is made up of millions of individual relationships – the whole is not disconnected from the individual. And so, yes, you can often see the cause/effect in action in particular relationships. You just can’t trust on the law to dictate or define the relationship

  13. Bb

    “Game will not turn a bitch into a princess. She’ll just be a more manageable bitch. I learned that the hard way with my ex.”

    Gold. Don’t LTR or marry a bitch. Johnny, forget Unity3D, you should sell bumper stickers.

  14. 108spirits

    You can’t turn a ho into a housewife. Game or not.

    One main reason I looked up Game in the first place was to learn how to spot and then avoid the sweethearts on that site.

  15. “Had I known then what I know now, that relationship would have been over in four weeks, not four years.”
    Gold.

  16. One of the best things you can do for your kids is teach them to be assertive and self respecting (and to respect others and have values of course). That way, they will either shut down abusive crazy behaviour or repel those that are looking for someone to abuse. They won’t attract it in the first place either! It takes too long to learn this on your own as an abused adult! :-) C

    [Thanks for the comment. I really liked you piece on introverts, a maligned minority.]

  17. SayWhaat

    That guy who didn’t believe Reddit had porn is just an idiot, sorry.

  18. Thank you Badger – Introversion is a subject close to my heart. I also had great sources to draw on. :-) C

  19. johnnymilfquest

    Badger wrote:

    “He’s telling the poster to DTB and find a woman who isn’t going to do this.”

    The second part is NOT realistic.

    My advice to him would be:

    “Wouldn’t jerking off and living alone be preferable?”

    He has to “think the unthinkable” in order to move on. No false promises of dream women in the future.

  20. jack

    Get out of my life, bitch.

  21. Rusty,

    “That, in itself, could be a good example of how it *can* apply on an individual level – take the nice guy who gets burned one too many times, finds Roissy & Roosh, becomes a player… and is now the asshole. Or the innocent girl who falls completely for a player, gets pumped’n’dumped, and forever raises bitch shields against future nice guys as a result.”

    This is a good point I hadn’t really thought of. The former-nice-guy wing of the Manosphere has long made the point that every time a woman hoses a nice guy, a new heartless PUA is created, and so they create their own quarries.

  22. whiteboykrispy

    That site is awful, but telling. I see enough of that behavior in real life to know that these aren’t isolated cases.

    The majority of relationships I see, from people I know and even close friends, the dude is a complete doormat or a willing slave. I’ve come to the conclusion it’s the way we were all raised- total compliance to women- the soft feminism of our education system and society, introduced at an early age and fed to us like a slow drip IV throughout our lives.

    This is why teaching men self respect is so crucial these days. “My Crazy Girlfriend” wouldn’t even be around if men were actually taught that being assertive is ok and that you don’t have to take shit from girls.

  23. Vincent Ignatius

    Your first instinct when a girl starts pulling crazy shit should be to dump her. Then you evaluate the situation logically to see if there’s any legitimate basis for her craziness. Then let her prove to you whether or not she’s worth keeping around.

    johnnymilfquest is very insightful for a beginner.

  24. God damn, that web site is painful to read. It reminds me of a neutered beta friend who lives with his girlfriend. He leaves their apartment for long stretches of time when her nutzo religious family visits because they would disown her if they figured out she wasn’t a virgin. He doesn’t even hold her hand in their presence.

    I’m with Krispy here – that sort of behavior is all too common. These guys need to embrace abundance mentality, man the fuck up and kick a bitch to the curb when she busts out that type of shitty behavior. A dry spell is better than putting up with over-the-top craziness.

  25. detinennui32

    VI and Bronna make a good point. When a woman starts doing this crazy stuff the man’s default setting should immediarely revert to “dump the ho” mode. But then recalibrate to see why she’s doing this and require proof why you should keep her. The burden of proof and of coming forward with the evidence is on her. And that proof better be immediately forthcoming, i.e. in a matter of days.

    Bronan, I so wish I had dumped my four year relationship. Looking back, dumping her would have been easier, cheaper and more peaceful. No woman is worth that much hassle.

  26. detinennui32

    @ Johnny: “Wouldn’t jerking off and living alone be preferable?”

    Deti: Looking back, uh, actually, YES.

    He has to “think the unthinkable” in order to move on. No false promises of dream women in the future.”

    Deti: To me, “thinking the unthinkable” means you break up with a woman you know, without a woman waiting in the wings. It’s better to be alone.

  27. Aldonza

    When guy tells me that all his exes are psychos, I ask “So, are you attracted to crazy broads or do you make them that way?” Because at some level, he’s a part of that relationship…and I am potentially a part of that new relationship.

  28. Vincent Ignatius

    Aldonza makes a good point. A man with game is going to bring out some crazy without even trying. To top it off, femininity and craziness tend to correlate in women. http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-imprinted-brain/201009/psychosis-and-the-femalematernal-brain-new-research-confirms-the-dia

    I take this into account as well. A masculine girl acting crazy gets kicked to the curb. A hyperfeminine girl going crazy because another girl flirts with me is going to get more slack.

  29. OffTheCuff

    Damn, VI… reframed like a champ.

  30. Aldonza’s comment brings up a couple of good points. You shouldn’t be talking about your exes with new gfs, that should only come after some serious dating. And if all your exes really are psychos, you need to frame it as “I was in a habit of picking the wrong women, I realize that now and I am doing better.”

  31. Stephenie Rowling

    “I was in a habit of picking the wrong women, I realize that now and I am doing better.”

    I’m very skeptic of Game but this line IS quite charming…I wouldn’t buy it though but still an already attracted girl will cling to this line like a lifesaver.

  32. Badger said:

    ““I was in a habit of picking the wrong women, I realize that now and I am doing better.”

    I’ve actually said something pretty close to this. Here’s a decent “neg” if any of you want it:

    “I think my girl-picker was broken. I dated a few pretty crazy girls back in the day. I’ve done a lot of work on myself since then. I’m doing much, much better…(give her a hug or a pat on the thigh)…sort of (wink and a smirk).”

    You’ll get a smack on the arm.

    “No, seriously, Honey (or whatever her name is)…are you allergic to Thorazine?”

    If you’re dating a physician, you can joke that her tardive dyskinesia is barely noticeable, but that’s pretty fucking nerdy even for me.

  33. Bb

    I agree with Aldonza, crazy-ex girlfriends were a big flag for me in seeking an LTR/marriage…if the guy had more than one, it meant he somehow had a dynamic with dramatic women. So how a guy answered the question of “why” was important. A joke / thoughtful follow up that shows growth and change is a good way to go.

  34. Ally

    sometimes women go to extremes because men push or allow them to. Apartment guy for example, he leads her on for a long time and then waits until he is “liking” someone else before he leaves her. this is because he is a giant (i’d say pussy but women don’t do that shit). No wonder the girl loses it, she loves him and he only stays with her because he is too afraid to be alone. This is the case with many men. Due to their inability to be alone they create a relationship and false sense of security with someone they do not love then they behave poorly while still making every verbal effort to keep a woman. That drives women crazy, literally. Most “crazy girls” used to be good girls before some guy came along and screwed them up without conscience. And then another and another and another. Until it adds up to some really psycho shit. People don’t become crazy over night or without cause. There must be a trigger.

  35. Ally,

    Your response is typical of women reacting to stories of other women behaving badly – “it’s his own damn fault, he must have done something to make her act that way!”

    Some people are just batshit crazy, or narcissistic self-absorbed princesses.

    “Most “crazy girls” used to be good girls before some guy came along and screwed them up without conscience.”

    This is such crap. Most crazy girls I’ve seen (first or secondhand) have been nuts most of their lives. I don’t normally analyze readers but it certainly sounds like you’ve been burned by a guy or two who wasn’t really into the relationship. It’s really not hard to figure out if a man is into being in a relationship. Don’t get more than one step ahead of or behind the partner.

  36. Looking Glass

    Actually, Ally’s comment underlines the entire problem with her thinking: “sometimes women go to extremes because men push or allow them to. ” Umm… women are responsible for themselves. They willingly allow themselves to be “push[ed]” or “allow” themselves to go nuts. If that’s true, then women aren’t rational adults, nor have the capacity, and should be stripped of all legal rights attendant with adulthood.

    But it’s not true. Women are wholly responsible for their own actions. We’ve just created a societal narrative that allows them to displace responsibility for their own actions.

    In the “Apartment” guy, he was being “nice”. She was assuming he was hers and acting like it. That’s her problem, not his. If he wasn’t keen on the idea in the first place, it’s normally pretty obvious, but she could push until she got what she wanted. When you treat a guy like a possession, you’re not going to be happy to find out it has a will of its own.

  37. BoggiDWurms

    Poor Oswald Spengler. He must be rolling in his grave seeing his work co-opted by such inane people. I generally like Spengler but I don’t like his fan club.

  38. Boggi, do you have any argument at all or just a vague insult?

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