Beta Guide: Inviting Her Into Your Life

The concept of the frame is a key one in the world of game. Frame is the conviction of one’s value, the assertion of your confidence. Because so much of attractiveness and social dominance flow from this conviction, it could be argued that frame is the One Truth of Game. A good frame can cover up a lot of tactical mistakes. (Both the psychological and the physical frame are equally crucial, because humans have specialized hardware designed to infer one from the other.)

Perhaps the best ever description of frame came from the pseudonymous commenter Dave from Hawaii, featured in Roissy’s “Relationship Game Week” two years ago (emphasis mine):

She has always been sweet and feminine the entire time we were dating…but than, when we were dating, I was a young man with goals, ambitions, direction. I had a mission, and I put it first. I went to school full time, I worked full time to support myself, and I trained martial arts and was an avid hunter. My time was full, and when I fit her into my schedule, I would invite her into my world, and take the lead and I was anything but “beta” when we were dating. I was decisive, confident, and a little bit cocky. Call it “subconscious game.” I always took the lead and she willingly and happily followed.

“Dave” became a minor sensation in the manosphere as one of the first men to publicize his use of game to rescue his marriage, which he said had “teetered towards divorce more than a few times.” Predictably, “Dave” had abandoned his frame as his married life went on in favor of supplicating people-pleasing and outsourcing day-to-day decisions to his wife who clearly had no interest in making them. She responded with fitness testing, a pointed lack of enthusiasm and trash-talking the marriage around town. After red-pilling and applying some frame, he’s a marital success story. His story may be the single most important post ever issued by Roissy.

The thing about frame, aside from having it, is that when you let someone in, it’s clear you are doing them a favor of sorts. You are giving them a piece of your high-value time and attention. Forget what type of frame you are actually projecting; simply HAVING the frame makes you a higher-value item. Confidence is deeply attractive, and even with game spreading in society, there are not that many men with good frame. Lots of people are followers, and beyond that you’ve got insufferable white knights who fake frame when they have social top cover.

“Inviting her into your world” is exactly what a good frame is about. You aren’t bossing anybody around (Dave dealt with haters arguing this straw man). You aren’t imposing your will against anybody else’s. You are just not going to be sacrificing who you are for the pleasure of some other person’s company.

Don’t lose your frame.

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20 Comments

Filed under beta guide, primary sources

20 responses to “Beta Guide: Inviting Her Into Your Life

  1. I’m a huge fan of Keoni Galt (Dave from Hawaii).

    I laughed out loud when I read the “what do you want to eat?” dialog and his solution to it. I read it out to my girlfriend and she laughed too. I tried to get her to acknowledge that she tests me too periodically, but in all honesty, I don’t think she’s even aware of it.

    Women don’t really do introspection. Men need to prepare themselves for female behaviour rather than nag women to change themselves.

  2. SayWhaat

    Agree, to a point. Don’t be so involved in your frame that she feels like she’s getting the runaround. I almost wrote off this guy I’m dating because he’s really (and understandably) very busy, and I was unsure if he was even interested, or if I was getting played. You need to keep some momentum going, at least in the initial stages of dating.

  3. Workshy Joe,

    There is considerable debate in the manosphere about fitness testing – not whether it exists but why. I saw a great description of it I’ll be writing up soon.

    SayWhaat,

    Nice to see you over here. Of course, a man can’t just have a woman hop into the bed of his pickup truck, he has to actively invite her into his frame. I imagine the issue you describe is heightened in college, where people have so much opportunity for novelty every single day, and especially in Manhattan where the young professionals are so incredibly busy. In working life you may be busy, but you can tolerate a little more latency in dating because you aren’t distracted daily by new people and activities.

  4. Ah, the all important concept of frame. I would argue this is the most important attitude shift towards alpha. In the context of a long term relationship, this is the most difficult and possibly the most exhausting because it really can’t be faked in the long run.

    For a beta guy working towards alpha status, the all important frame must be reset and become natural before undertaking a new, long term relationship.

  5. Dave from Hawaii

    You’re too kind with the compliments, Badger. I don’t think it was the most important post over at Roissy’s by a long shot…but I was and am amazed by the responses and reactions it gets, 2 years later. I STILL get emails from people about that post…

    I must once again give credit to the mysterious guy behind the now gone “Reality Method.” His was the first blog were I discovered the concept of “frame” and it is definitely one that helps not just dealing with the love life, but interactions with all people. When I encounter difficult situations with people, I take pause and think to myself “RE-FRAME.” Debating with someone in their frame automatically puts you in the weaker position. Consciously thinking about what Frame you are in helps big time from avoiding the mistake of falling into that weaker position.

    While people refer to shit tests as fitness tests or congruence tests…another good way to think about it is a FRAME test.

    She’s testing to see if you are going to maintain your frame – the one she wants to be a part of – of if you’re gonna lose your perspective and get caught up in her frame.

  6. Dave,

    Great to see you comment here! Don’t be so modest. I do think the relationship game post was a critical one in the Roissysphere. Many, MANY more men today are going to find themselves in the position of trying to turn around a well-invested LTR or a marriage than looking for same-night lays, manging multiple girlfriends, etc.

    I think the mainstream application of game to the LTR environment is the next generation of the art. It’s easy to see why the first wave of game was all about casual seduction. It was high-opportunity (every city has clubs and bars full of frustrated guys and women waiting to get gamed), relatively low risk on its face (AFC guys learning game don’t have a lot of downside like the risk of blowing up a marriage), and the audience has tons of unrealized potential and these young men are desperate enough to spend lots (and lots) of time and money testing and perfecting their attraction skills.

    Unfortunately, this movement also associated the Venusian arts with heavy promiscuity, in some cases an amoral and dishonest brand of presentation, and a certain sideshow motif (Mystery still gets mocked for his hat even as he teaches countless men how to become the guys women want to sleep with.)

    The movement of game into the hands of already-married men, in effect “patching” their relationship hardware after bootup, will produce an almost infinite quality spike for those who have the most to lose – the husbands, and the children. Women who depend on the ability of men to be henpecked will scream and thrash just like they do now, but a generational wave of properly-framed men could just maybe turn around the social abyss we are heading into.

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  8. @SayWhaat: Defining his own reality is just part of it.

    If the “busy guy” enjoyed spending time with you, then he would eventually call you and make plans. Because HE wanted to. Not because he was trying to win your approval or keep YOU happy. The difference is HUGE.

  9. SayWhaat

    @ Workshy Joe:

    I never said that busy guy was trying to win my approval or keep me happy. We’re still in the initial dating stages, I wouldn’t think of trying to intrude on his life, or vice versa. All I’m saying is that guys following this advice would do well to reassure a girl by dropping a text every now and then (which busy guy does).

    Badger had it right though, the issue is heightened when a college girl dates a guy who’s actually in the real world, lol.

    I will say that girls do need more patience with these sort of things though. :)

  10. @SayWhaat: “All I’m saying is that guys following this advice would do well to reassure a girl by dropping a text every now and then”

    If he texts you because HE WANTS TO I’d say “Good”.

    If he texts you becuase he thinks you need his reassurance, then he is TOAST.

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  13. udolipixie

    Great advice.

    I tell my girls all the time when dating do whatever you want because you want to not to reassure him or seek his approval.

    The only 1 who listened has never had a bad relationship.

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  19. cynical optimist

    guys what was that roissy post as its now cheateau the link is gone.

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